Its raining!!!

It is raining so hard outside making me shake because of clod. Guess what I am enjoying the rain. A collegue at my office just came being wet. I wished I could go and dance in the rain. Being health conscious and of course because of being at office I am I can’t go there and dance. I wish I were at home..but mom would kill me….so I wished I had no bike…and no umbrella and I were walking in the rain. ( It is because I hate rain while driving so I imagine myself walking ). Seems todays rain’s gonna rock !!! and I am right now tuned to Times FM  ( Of course in my new mobile yes the touch screen Motorola…oh I ma loving it..but I really don’t know how to use it ) and finished listening to the romantic song “Tere ore” and RJ is informing about Katrina Kaif…let me change the station now..but seems a nice song…romantic of course something  “Apne to Apne” I have never heard the song. I need to change because this RJ is making me go mad ….

I am tuned into Radio Nepal..yes my office…ummm and I am hearing News..English ..but I think I cant hear this too because I need some romantic songs to light me up today coz the rain is making me go round round and round…..Yes I am feeling..feeling what..the cold..of course..but this coldness has something charm in it. I am little sick today. ( Times FM again and the song is Timi lai bhetne…timi sanga bolne by Nabin K. Bhattrai..tell me poo is not the song matching with the situation and did you get what Sweti is feeling ).

Yeah..this season change is hard to handle by me evergreen…coughing….sneezing season…and this time right now I am missing hot coffee …of my mom’s hand….( I think poo is going for the another coffee break…and I am jealous…let me ask her…yes she is online and I am talking to her as well ). Outside it is raining..and I am feeling something. Something obscure…something so good to feel ….something ….yes something….here in the heart..( UGH!!! this RJ …comeon “doshain” she is pronouncing “Dashain” ..who will hear her…). Hits FM….and english love songs and would I be able to handle these overflowing feelings….GOD…..

Will be back in a while…I want to go outside and feel the rain….the chill not the drops of rain…

Hey I am back after few seconds…and seems the rain calmed little bit. Incessant…..love the word….Incessant..rain…and incessant feelings…they are all same for me…The sweet air waves and the cool breezes…and my cheeks are freezing…but my hand is hot because I never had cold hands in the severest winter…This song in my ear right now…though I have never heard ever…is so cool…its love song indeed…the lyrics is good too…”I am the man who can’t be moved”.

The rain has stopped I think…yeah…just few drops are falling…No, seems it has not stopped yet…..No coffee here at my office..no one to give hot water..too but if it were Radio Nepal…so many cups of hot tea..but I never drank just a big glass of hot water is what I love the most. I am remembering to read “The Alchemist” …..

The weather is making me creative….and I am hearing Nepali songs in Sagarmatha FM…I love Nepali songs that are romantic…some are really good and I love peppy songs too. I just remember song matching with situation by Nalina Chitrakar..”Pani Pani bhayo Mero maan Pani “…( My heart’s too being watery ) Wow another song that I love in my ear ….Birano Pardeshi ..by I don’t know who….but I love this song…and I know the lyrics..and I am humming too…”Bhana bhana ye birano Pardeshi”.

So, these thoughts are being generated in my heart..because of the weather so romantic and these extremely romantic songs are enlightening me to write..encouraging me to recollect my feelings..feelings so obscure…I don’t know what is this thing I am feeling..a chill in my heart…a cool feeling in my heart..I don’t know what I am feeling….something chiso…chiso(cold)…something so good…like drinking a cold coffee that day….while I was feeling so hot…

I wish I were at home..watching TV and eating hot hot things that mom would be cooking and Hot coffee…but hey would I be blogging..no no I would not be…so I am happy here at office because My boss is not here and no one around me…the door is open and cool air is entering here at my office..it is still raining…

I remeber some words  —–should I censor..no no let me write-: ” Cloud has sliver lining..and it ends up being rain, u do love rain right Sweta”.

Let me check has poo gone to another coffee break…..I am real jealous hai..poo please don’t mind honey…

Incredible !!!!

The invisible was incredible….completely incredible…

Unheard words I heard  were incredible….

Unfelt feelings that I felt were incredible…

Unseen dreams that I hadn’t dreamt were incredible…

The warmth was incredible…the walk was incredible

The eyes were incredible and scar was incredible…

Hands were incredible and arms were incredible…

You were incredible totally,  Invisible

I know you are entityless….and you don’t exist anywhere

But why I feel the warmth Invisible..in this heart..yes you exist here

(Infact those feelings you hadn’t tried to save in heart….)

But I felt  those were just incredible….( and I saved them in my heart)

Those feelings you left for me Invisible….are incredible..

Those improbable feelings and those tranquilising thoughts

A state of tranquility and the feel so awesome….Invisible…

A feel and a thought and a dream and the world…

All were and all are incredible….

You are incredible…Yes “You” were incredible..

I* hoped if you were visible …..I would have never let you go….

 

I* = refers to the protagonist.

Cold Cold Coffee !!! Nah!! Weather

I remember how I reacted seeing the cold coffee, actually what was it I really didn’t knew…then why did I ordered the Cold Coffee…because I was feeling real hot…that day..sun was burning me…and I didn’t wanted to drink hot and feel the heat. I thought lets give a try and I had ordered the Cup of Cold Coffee and that was so pathetic I couldn’t drink it whole…aba coffee pipe le khane bhanera malai k taha ( How could I know that Coffee is also dranked with pipe ) Moreover there was icecream…I have planned I would never drink a Cold Coffee because till I reached home my stomach was paining and I was perhaps suffering from a gastric attack….and what else I could do othere than say…I hadn’t eaten anything and that is why I am suffering from gastric…I lied….LoL and took medicine…yes Ranitidine…which has a permanent place in my dad’s medicine box. But the coffee was awesome I must say….there are some obscure reasons and I don’t want to disclose it here.

Well…Well…I was taking about cold but No, I hadn’t wanted to talk about Cold Coffee…perhaps I remembered something…I wanted to talk about the cold that is making me feel some thing romantic..actually I love this season or say this time period that neither its too cold nor its too hot..no come on Iam not talking about Spring season…but this begining of the winter season…and I loe this time period a lot…this is too romantic and when it rains in winter then…then  I loose control…I wold be in a state of tranquility and I love this part of nature…what ??? how it tranquilises me…a lot…I love the winter rain….just love rain…( but hate while driving )

I felt same coolness today…yesterday it rained whole day and today I was searching my winter clothes thank god I could not found it anywhere….and guess what it was so sunny today till I guess 3:00 PM. Then what again rainfall started and filled the atmosphere withsuch a calm that I was in tranquility yes I was…intoxicated….I loved the feeling of feeling what I don’t know…feeling of intoxication ofcourse. Thank god it was not raining while I was driving and the air I was feeling was awesome..I was feeling the cool breeze and my whole body and soul was feeling a sense of coolness…no I didn’t mind today’s jam…actually I was feeling nature..within me…I wanted to actially flow my arms…and run wildly…to feel the coolness of air…and hoped that there would be some drops of water from above sky…rain ofcourse…and I getting wild…running…running..runninga nd feeling and feeling and perhaps collecting the feelings in form of words…

This was a dream and I was driving…and when I was driving too I felt this calm and a sense of soothing pleaure came to my mind….I was enjoying the weather and this first feeling of cold weather…Actually I hate cold…when it reaches Jan and Feb ( my birth month ) because it is too cold…but I just love this signal of cold weather coming….some how not cold but too cool to be so cool…and I am hearing this hindhi song…it sounds too cool too..and enlgihtening…damn feelings…damn feelings

I really enjoyed driving today after feeling so cool after so many months of heat and hot weather which I dislike..then what I like is the question..I  like neither heat nor cold…but I need to accept…no I like them all…no I don’t what say..I have to accept….it…but I always like this kind of begining either it is Summer or winter or monsoon….I love the rains and that is why I never carry an umbrella….I love being wet …..

I welcome this cold weather again in my life…Life runs anyways…either cold or heat…anything happens…life runs….life should run…and perhaps I am doing the same….LOL. ( But to tell the truth the Cold Coffee was magical….I shall cherish it forever )

Forbidden Fruit

The forbidden fruit I tried to eat….without thinking…

A sin I did as Eve….did…I felt damn….the feeling…

A sin I did and I fell so deep….( I don’t know how to swim )

I don’t have any hopes left….I am drowning in a well…

My eyes are down always…she knows…it

I wonder why she is silent…..( Told I am giving you FREEDOM )

…I am feeling guilt …I remorse so hard…

For trying to eat the fruit that was forbidden….

My head is down you know it …and my emotions you feel it…

I regret Mom…I regret…for feeling the entityless and absurd thing…

Mom I hadn’t eaten it just thought to eat it…..just felt it…

It was a feeling indeed and I regret it for feeling….

I am sorry for feeling ….I shall feel it forever ….

Yes it is sin….yes feeling is a sin….I know….

The palpitating heart is sin…these feelings are sinful…

Those words were sinful….those emotions were sinful….

I hate this forbidden fruit…I didn’t ate it though….

I tried to pick (DW) but could not reach to you though…

I was prohibited and forbidded to reach to you though…

I am happy for not eating the forbidden fruit…..DW

Thinking to write

Actually I wanted to write a poem, then I thought I need to write something else, I have already posted a poem then I thought to write something else. Yes blogging has become a passion my friend thanks for teaching such an wonderful thing…I am really enjoying it. I told this ADSL sucks….really…It was so hard to open a page and perhaps it is working or not working..thank god this page has opened. Guess what I am not feeling sleepy…it is 10:05 PM…its some forty five minutes I am back from office..and I must have been tired but I am busy typing these words here. ( Also I am listening to song a hindhi song..Pal Pal..dil ke pass….Mei saas leta huu..teri khusboo aati hai..)

After many days I am listening to the song and when I listen song then I want to write…but I never write what I am feeling when I am listening to the song…So, should I write about my feelings here …what I am feeling hearing this song Pal Pal..dil ke …Passs….no I am not writing the feeling..( Shhhh secret….). Listening song is letting your tiredness gone…I want to remove this tiredness that is why I am busy typing words here and listening to these songs….( I need to leave these hindhi songs I think…they are making me contemplate…)

“It must have been love” I like to hear this song time and again because I love the song simply…

So, I was thinking to post a blog here…hey I think wordpress is not working too …( Damn..this ADSL…it sucks….). I think I need to copy all those above words if I want to save my typed words..hey it is working now…I am also chatting to a friend….It is 10:15 now…I am not feeling sleepy..No college tomorrow so no need to wake up at 5:00….( I hate to go to college…)

I am enjoying my work at Radio Nepal a lot because I love the work environment there and it is so fun working with the real senior people..Komal Oli fo example..we call her Komal Didi and she is a real good woman..she speaks so sweetly…so lovely …and other all are too good people…I am just desperate to go on air..but I am fearing the studio so much…my voice…one can easily figure out that I am too nervous…I need to improve a lot. I need to go on air…I need to read news…

So, I think I am too tired now and I am feeling too sleepy too..this song in my ears ( Eddie Vedder with Nusrat Fateh Ali khan..The long road) is making me feeling sleepy too. Oh…Streets of love….I love this song so much…I am not sleeping that means…..the song potrays me…my feelings…and the word street hits my heart….kaso  ??

I was thinking to write and I don’t know what I wrote..I didn’t had any topic to write..but this passion of me and it makes me to write the more I think..the more I want to write. By the way..When my college is going to run our classes..

Intermitting Soul

Body you interment everyday…

Come on bury my soul today….

Bury my soul….in the tomb or burn it in the pyre….

Can you interment a soul?? It is a challenge to you…

Don’t want to sell my soul as Faustus did….

Don’t want to suicide as Hamlet did…..

I want to live a life ….intermitting my soul within…

Intermitting the soul Yes!!! The act of burying the soul!!!

For my survival….for my body’s survival….!!!!

I want to remove the concreteness of my soul….

My passionate appeals…were lost…

They were concrete though….

I received a cold answer…no one can interment a soul…

Let the die then….to let the soul be in freedom…

I then try to contemplate, searching the reasons of survival…

Then I remorse, I feel guilt for intermitting soul

I need to live that is a harsh reality’s…presence

There is the need of soul DW for the biological existence……

( I really don’t know why I wrote this…these words…are they harsh…I am not intermitting my soul…I is the protagonist…do not confuse it with me….)

 

Unaccomplished Hidden Desires

I close my eyes and I become wild !!!

I think about it and battle within myself

I am batteling for my survival!!!

I am fighting for my freedom from myself…

The hirerarchial differences…and the personality disorder…

Unaccompolished dreams and hidden desires…

Like “A knightly quest” for the holy grail..

Like “A knightly strenght” for winning the heart….

Could Knight ever bring the GRAIL….

Could knight ever won the Heart and wasn’t dead…..

Unaccompolished dreams and quest…of social graces..

Like the unpolished shoe…looking worst…

Like the unironed clothes…like the messy hair

Not a handsome Kngiht…my quest a ragtag knight….

Knight to win my heart and take my breathe away…

Knight to bring the Holy grail and the story of success…

Like the star I am gazing at…thinking to make it mine

Like a stupidity of me!!!! like the foolish crime…

Hiding and living..hiding but still living,…..

Living for the survival…living for the hope…

Unaccomplished dreams make me weaker….

Hidden desires always gives pressure…

My fortitude is my challenge…..

Hidden desires…hide away from the sight….to be hidden..

Trembling heart saves it however….

A knightly quest of mine for the holy grail treasure ..

My treasure..my hidden unaccomplished desire…DW