The inherent question

I am not good enough

I have this inherent belief that “I am not good enough”
All my school life, I was made to feel I was not good enough
It shaped my being, psyche and of course, that I believed that I was not good enough.
I go back to being a child and think about what I used to do when I was told that I was not good enough
I always imagined~ I imagined to be good~ I imagined to be a good person like my mother ~ I imagined I would have the best handwriting~ I imagined I would be beautiful ~ I imagined that I was helpful or successful in whatever that meant to me at that time…I imagined I was loved and that I had a partner who would see how good I was inside because for longest time I was made felt that I was ugly.
A lot of times my mother was also told that she was not good enough.
So, we always heard that about ourselves. You are not good enough.
Then what would we know about what being good means?
When our imagined realities didn’t match the real world talks that were provided to us as facts.
When we were never made to think that we could ever be good.
Then we were told we don’t deserve the things we achieved and worked hard for like a mere job? I was 19. How would I know what would make me deserve it?
Then I was 25. Same thing.
Then I was 26. Same thing
Then I was 27. Same thing
Then I was 33. Same thing.
So who decides what somebody deserves?
Who decides that when some is not good enough?
Well, today I decide that I don’t buy this narrative.

So, I tell the world that I AM GOOD ENOUGH. My Mother is GOOD ENOUGH. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.

This poem is dedicated to my mother and my therapist.