Posted on September 17, 2016 by Sweta Gyanu Baniya
I thought of writing you a text, then I refrained. I thought of dialing your number but stopped myself halfway through. Then, I thought of writing you an email~but couldn’t type anything. I have stopped writing. I have stopped. I don’t know. These new shoes I am wearing right now are giving me blisters. It pains. Yet, there is no option- than to walk. Yes, with the shoes. I know by this time your forehead would wrinkle and in your eyes my suffering will twinkle. I know we communicate. But in silences. In grief. In pain. In ego. In our heads.
I remember the distance that grew gradually and it kept on moving down and hurting both you and me. In pain we remembered ourselves. In pain we thought about each other. I thought you should have been a healer~ like you were always! You didn’t try and I couldn’t dare. By the time, the pain we gave to each other had reached to the depth that nothing could ever fill it and nothing could ever cure it. We lose many things in life. We lose love of our life. Yet, nothing pains more than the loss of friendship. “When you are an adult, you lose friends ~ that’s normal” – somebody had said. I wish we were never adults but remained the way we were – carefree- careless and caring. After a decade long friendship-what went wrong? Who was right and who was wrong? Who did a mistake? Who never dared to correct it? Both of us? You? Me? or Me? You? Who stopped us? Who is stopping me now? Who is stopping you now? I know my blisters will give you pain! I know you could help me to gulp the pain and smile to move ahead with pride. But, where are you?
Then, our conversation never ended
Yes, it never ended
As, it had no begining
It was right there ~ always.
You know~ some conversations do not have an end
But with a flow ~ high and low
In deep, dark silences.
Filed under: Sweta's Monologue | Tagged: Distance, Friends, friendship, life, loss, Pain | 1 Comment »
Posted on September 10, 2016 by Sweta Gyanu Baniya
No idea who creates the path. But, I follow it. We follow it as it leads somewhere~ we might know ~ we might not know! Pic: Google.com!
That line supposed to separate
Hope and hopelessness
Life and death
Who draws it?
Whose hand are those
That carves fate in the forehead?
You were the one
To walk on the path
Did you create it yourself?
Are you treading on the path created by someone else?
That sublimity scares you!
Nirvana crack down your nerves!
You want it
At the same time don’t want it.
Filed under: Poetry, Sweta's Monologue | Leave a comment »
Posted on August 9, 2016 by Sweta Gyanu Baniya
Happy Eighth Birthday Coffee House!
As, I embark on a new journey~ I wish to take you with me as I have always been clinging on you in my ups and downs, in laughter and cries. Today, you turn 8. Can’t believe that our journey together has crossed eight lovely years! You endure to exist and so do I through you! You have been struggling for the existence I know~ like I do~ like everyone does. Congratulations!! Dear Blog!
You are the room of my own!!! And, the most important thing you provide me is – “Confidence”- to be myself, to write, to express, to share, to be able to make an opinion, to be able to stand distinct.
It has been a real warm journey with you, through different simulacra. Here, I am in the new world, to start a new journey of life and I am sure – you will keep on providing me confidence~ to work hard more and continue on motivating me to write- which I have not been doing so often. And, continue to become a space~ where I rest myself as a whole! May be, I will need you more, here!
Happy Eighth Birthday Blog~ From Lafayette, Indiana.
Filed under: Article | Leave a comment »
Posted on April 8, 2016 by Sweta Gyanu Baniya
I know Mountains~There is the strong reason behind you standing stagnant for forever and ever!
Close your eyes and tell me what did you see?
Black out. I saw nothing. Then I tried it again- something black and dark started to get accumulated around my chest and it took the form of a huge black, dark, gloomy and barren mountain. I have always disliked mountains, I felt like I can never associate myself with mountains. No doubt they are majestic, they are beautiful, they are breath taking too but somehow I can never say I “like” mountain- it doesn’t excite me as much as the rivers ~ that keeps on flowing on and on and on and is not standing stagnant for ages like the mountains.
But something that I saw around my chest was sadly not a flowing river, but it was mountain~ huge mountain and it had no snow, it had no greenery nothing. Never realized that I was carrying a big mountain inside me that is not very happy mountain, it is a sad mountain, it is a serious mountain. For, how long I have been carrying this mountain inside me? How long did it take to reach the huge height that it has now when I realized it is inside me? What are the things that have piled up to make this huge mountain? This is the pile of the fossils of feelings may be. All those feelings that I can personally feel ~ happiness, sadness, despair, anger, anxiety, fear, love, hate and on and on – may be all these things make the mountain.
Filed under: Coffee House Journal, Sweta's Monologue | Tagged: emotions, life, Mountain, Self | Leave a comment »
Posted on February 5, 2016 by Sweta Gyanu Baniya
In this mess of the river
I wish to flow
Ranting, crying, fighting
Just to reach to you!
Picture by: Kishor Sharma / Sunkoshi River
In the mess of sensation
You forget yourself
When your cheeks were imprinted
With my lipstick stains
Didn’t you forget yourself?
In those arms with warm embrace
You lose yourself
When you were held so tight
Didn’t you completely lose yourself?
In the mess of anguish, stress and pain
You strive to plant hope
Didn’t you want to water it too?
In the mess of life,
You struggle to find those tiny happiness
Dear, that’s why I smile ((:
Filed under: Poetry | Tagged: embraces, Feb-Fever, heart_matters, love | 4 Comments »
Posted on January 7, 2016 by Sweta Gyanu Baniya
may be more than the words~~ You heard me ~ didn’t you? Pic by: Niraj / Mumbai, India
One day I asked you~Why don’t you call me, text me? You answer~ is that necessary? Then we both laughed~ All we do is remain silent~ just deeply silent that surpasses the voice that needs to heard~because~ I probably don’t know the reason but may be sometimes silences are all that we hear! Especially you and me!
You tell me many times ~ it is through silences~ we talk more~more and more.
It was far away~ the point they met each other in the same color that one could not differentiate them from each other – they were dissolved in each other~ so open! There was the point where sea met the sky. When sky sees finds itself in the sea~ how will it feel? And when all those droplets travel in the form of vapor all the way to reach the sky~how will you feel oh! dear sky? To hold all those droplets and impregnate the clouds and then burst out again to fall in the sea~ how will it feel dear sea ~ to get back yourself that has travelled through the sky? Continue reading
Filed under: Sweta's Monologue | Tagged: affection, horizon, love, Sea, silences, Sky, you-me | Leave a comment »
Posted on November 21, 2015 by Sweta Gyanu Baniya
It is 100th day of shutdown!!! One hundred day in 365 days amounts to some 27.39 %. And for this much time- you have been silently shouting by staying stagnant. Thanks to the Earthquake that had least impact in Terai ( in comparison) and now- how life is out of gear makes it worse than the earthquake, isn’t it? The silent roads ( assumption), the closed schools (reality- from yesterday it opened), the closed factories- what about the daily wage-earning workers? What about you dear Janaki?
I understand- revolution is necessary – if you feel it is not right and if you feel that you need to demand it – then you do have right to demand – it is democracy!!
We don’t know what happens to you- what is really happening to you- but it has continued till one hundred days!!! We have stopped giving headline that whole Madhesh is on strike- well, we did that till 18-19 days. The information that comes here is so minimum that we don’t know what exactly the general people – who are on strike feel or want. We hear the leaders – Gachhadar, Yadav, Thakur- all the time we are assured that “the meeting ended on a positive note”, “today is the decisive meeting” and at the end “the meeting ended inconclusively”.
What happens inside that meeting? Do you know it ? You don’t know! So do we! We don’t know what do they talk- what are they planning!!! We are in the age where information floats in the air – but I am sorry – I can’t distinguish between a reality and/or hyper-reality. I am not sure that if whatever we are told about you is reality or a hyperreality. We move in between reality and hyperreality, right? Continue reading
Filed under: Coffee House Journal, Sweta's Monologue | Tagged: 100th Day of Shutdown, Confusion, Hyperreality, Madhes, Nepal | 1 Comment »