Bloods that flow in veins -II

The second part of the story…..

And life moves on..the betrayal goes on and on. The beating daily and daily doses of sleeping tablets increases. The coming of home late goes on…

Shikha, the poor woman in her woes spends days being a doll of Drishya. Biwas wants mom to play with him but he is too frustrated because Shikha feels she is no more a woman now. Shikha feels what? ” nothing”. Nothingness has become the way of living for Shikha and the days in hues and hazes with the  dreams of uniting again with Drishya.

The Yin and Yang, the Radha and Krishna…the Shiva and Shakti…..and Shikha and Dirshya……the name which could never unite again…..

She dreams whatever and ever that she too doesnot knows. The days in hazes and hues…the pain and the doses of  increasing sleeping tablets….Biwas poor biwas not able to think anything because he is too small to analyze the things between his mother and father.

As for Biwas, Drishya loved him…because he is a son and he is a son….But  Biwas longed for mother’s  love which was not possible because of loss of sense of motherhood in herself.

That night …she scribbled sonmething in her diary which is as it is pasted here-:

(Ah….!!! it pains a lot )

The patience and tolerance is limited and everything has its own limitations. I too have my own limits. But here I feel myself caged as if nothing as if I don’t have soul in me. The overflowing feelings that makes me a woman and the the passion that makes me a human is long dead. The death of all the feelings and emotions and the death of my true self. Shikha, the true overjoying Shikha is long dead. But who notices, Does Biswas notice this ? Does Kamala notices….this….or the doctors who counsel me and provide me with the doses and doses of sleeping tablets….do they know what I am feeling and what I am dreaming. And lastly does Drishya notices this..does Drishya feels the beating of my trembling heart…No, he doesnot…( Oh its flowing now )

The mental and heart wrenching wounds that I have preserved within me are they going to be cured with the doses and doses of sleeping tablets recommended by the Doctors saying that I am a mental diseased patient….( Its paining but I am writing ).But am I a mentally diseased patient….who have given this wounds…Drishya..his beating in my belly ….his grabbing of my breasts…and kicking my ass time and again…our relation is limited to this only….the beats, touches and kicks ..are now satisfying me..afterall Dirshya touches me…for the second time…I strongly arouse the passions in me…not feeling the pain of this enormous beating but feeling good becuase he touches me in this way.

I had dreams and dreams that were fulfilled once when I had met Drishya for the first time..and then I had made me believe myself that Drishya was the most ideal husband whom every girl would dream about…Certainly, I was proud of having a husband like Drishya….. Proud extending the limit of being proud…then I became mother of his son…Then what happened…..

I don’t know what happen..the eternal bliss seem to fade away and I am here stranded like this. ( Oh this blood is flowing so hardly ). Stranded like a traveller in the middle of the Airport….I am ….stranded in life…don’t know what to do and don’t know what to say…( Am I doing this right ?)

 Yes, I am right because the tolerance has its limitation and patience which I have preserved these years…Patience while suffering from his hard beatings…suffering from his indifference…towards me while I am sleeping beside him…suffering when he plays shows affection with the life whom I have give brith….implanting his semen in me….( It is getting hard to write….)

Drishya is asleep…the deep deep sleep from which he will not be awakened…..hahaha..let me laugh out loud…let me crawl upon him once again…like the first night..or the night of conceiving…Biwas…Like the eternal Radha Krishna swinging with full of passion and emotion….but I see the emotion is dead…Drishya is dead…for me…and I am dying here for him…

Biwas…is in your hand Kamala…May lord Kali give you and Biwas strength…let you be his mother…as you have always been his caring mother….kamala…( I think I need to sleep …the eternal sleep of life because the pain is increasing). Kamala….Biwas is in your hands now…Me and Drishya are going ahead of life….

I have no regrets at all…This is my own decision…I am proud of what I have done and it is not a sin believe me…it is just outcome of the sufferings I hav suffered…..I have no REGRETS AT ALL…!!!!! I REPEAT I HAVE NO REGRETS AT ALL…!!!!! ( It is paining a lot..and bloods are flowing a lot….)

………………………..

The next morning…there was mourning…Biwas was still sleeping and …Kamala screaming…to the extent….Shikha..she has become strong…..had cut her nerves…in hand..and for Drishya….the high doses of sleeping tablets…

The two bodies were burned in the same pyre……..

Bloods that flows in veins

(This is my another try in fiction this is a female’s story, ofcourse fictional one but trying to potray the reality of society the otherside of society , male and female relationship….nothing related to personal lives of anyone )

The story is updated…

Actually while thinking to write this story I remember the legendary story of Pashuram, who is supposed to the incarnation of Lord Bishnu. Pashuram who cut his mother into two halves just obeying the order of his father, Jamadagni Rishi….

The crime was she was late to bring water because she watched the gods with their wives playing in the water……wondering about herself and the Rishi her husband…

Here it goes……………………….

Shika, swings in her swing that Drishya hung in their terrace four years ago that is rusty now. Shika loves it as always. Feelis it like it were four years ago, but she is alone today unlike yesterday and day before yesterday…like the previous year and the previous one.

Remembers the days when they used to spend hours swinging in it like Radha and Krishna. They were in deep love and it was love that determined everything. Those were the begning days of their blissful life. The life that Shika loved it unlike anything. The like that she wants now too.

“Madam” …..tea here, says Kamala, the maid in the house.

“Put it there cant you see I am busy here”, says Shika. ( But what she is busy in …thinks Kamala )

She is gazing at her N75 mobile phone, which was gifted by Drishya before last two years. She wants call, wants to hear the lovely voice that she only knows how much she longs for it. Her burning passion in the veins..the hot blood that are flowing in her veins. The eyes are becoming red and red. The heat of sun is so less than the heat that is burning inside her. But does anyone know this, does Drishya knows this….that that..

Drishya, has forgotten to call her…and that hurts her more and more.

(She picks the tea cup that is left by Kamala but throws it away immediately. Runs away in her room and closes the door.)

 Kamala hurriedly  calls Drishya and informs that madam has again got an “attack”.  “Leave her as she is…let her do what she can…”,Drishya says.

Kamala then tries to convince Shika that Sir, has called her and asked about her. But would Shikha believe….After an hour she opens the door…finds Kamala beside the door …Kamala gives her pills recomended by Doctor…that makes Shika immediately sleep.

Would she like to sleep alone……

Shika wokes up finds Biwas has arrived from his school . Its few days that he has been admitted to the kindergarten school. Biwas wants to speak with his mother…but Mother…Mother..she doesn’t preserves any feelings of motherhood…Does she has the feelings that makes her feel something female…

Since the last conception she is sleeping alone and its been three years.  This is known by ony two , Shika and Drishya. They sleep together, separated by the breathing but…they are not together by their feelings…Don’t know why Drishya has lost the feelings but would Shikha forget…those especial hours…

Drishya, see do I look beautiful in this pink sari  I am going to wear this today…in Sunaina’s engagement…I must say she would be looking more and more beautiful…

“Well, ask your heart…and you are no more beautiful”, says Drishya.

The passion fades away again….Shika throws away…the Sari..but mandatory is she needs to go there at the party…

Shika, wears another sari..and went with Drishya and Biwas in Sunaina’s engagement.

Drishya, has put his arm over her..while walking..Shika feels wow…says I think I look more beautiful in this one..Drishya is catching her hand…others are seeing them..everyone is seeing them.

Wow…what a nice couple….she hears comment…

Sunaina says that “Shika wow you look beautiful with Drishya like this..”

Are they beautiful couple…she asks herself several times in the party.

Shika hears..Drishya saying how beautiful his wife is, how much he loves her..and how much good wife she is…

Shika is feeling the blood moving in her veins passionately…and she suddenly charms up….The passion is in her eyes…her heart beating faster and faster…..the trembling lips..the palpitating heart…the tearful eyes….

…………………………

They arrive home…Biwas went with Kamala….

They went to their room…..Drishya..throws her in bed….pulls her hair…beats her in her belly…doesn’t lets her to shout..in help…pulls her hair…Shika wonders…was the party dream…a sweet dream…She is unable to distinguish between the moment before and after.

Where the passion flows now??…she is given the doses of sleeping tablets now…recommended by Drishya…

Would Shika be able to think anything….

( The story would be completed in next post )

Scar …..

A heart with the scar…

A feel of guilt

A bleeding punding heart…

Cannot stand still

It was not what I had wanted

But it happened just so

Why I really really don’t know..

Living a life yes I am..

With these uncurable wounds preserved..

The name thats you engraved in heart..

A bleeding heart

Full of scar…

Full of scar…

Motherhood….

Its been a month or two that she has given birth to five childrens. I look her eve0105_1734152ry morning she is there to protect them and they look always pampered. Mother, she is mother for the first time. Don’t know who taught her to be a mother may be nature who else can be the best teacher other than mother nature. She is spending her motherhood fully. Her childrens all are daughter and a son has already been taken away. So four are left, the pampered. She seems so much happy enjoying her motherhood, protecting her childs and living in the gutters. What a life I see their’s ?

She is there protecting them now and then being their mother and being their everything. Feeding them her lolling breasts time and again and what she gets in return nothing. She loves her child more than anything, fights with other big dogs and never lets them come near to her children. I am here flattered and amazed at her valor that she shows and thats the love. Afterall its love that determines everything.

Had she belong to any family then she would not have been living like this. But here she is homeless but still living a life growing her beloved children her own way, her own way.

Do the children know about their father? Whom her mother had made love and implanted sperm in her belly? No, they don’t. The father is unknown. I wonder how she needs to protect her children from the male here around my home one of whom I assume is the one to make her pregnant. She never lets them come near.

I was so happy to catch her babies, don’t know why she believe me and let her childern to be in my arms when their eyes were not even open. Felt so heart touching when the babies lick their mothers lolling breasts..even while the mom is running, the feeling of being female touches my heart.

Mother around my home…

Rosy

Rosy cheeks…

Something hot I feel

Oh I am with a hot cup of coffee

Reminds me the cold one..

Sipping and sipping

More and more..

Till it finishes..

Till everything finishes

Till everything finished….

Crimson Joy

Crimson Joy…

Let me feel ,

No please don’t kill…

The invisible worm..

Let me live

Let me feel

The invisible worm…

Please don’t kill

Nec-Romancer-II

Here is the assumed talks with other two dead ones-:

Sweta-: Reema ( Name changed) dear reema last time I went your home on your six month anniversary and it was so hurting, the feast was very big and your big smiling potrait was making me hurt. The day after your death I was there at your home. Your dress which you have wore when you killed yourself. You know dear , I have not cried like this in anyone’s death or ever because I was hurt so much because of your death and moreover when I came to know the fact that you have suicided. Dearie why there was the need to suicide, just because the Chemistry exam that you thought that you could not pass. I regret for not calling you when my brother had the NIST question that were supposed the leaked questions. If I had called you once then, then I think you would not have suicided because of the fear of passing the exam. I regret and regret a lot dearie. I have faced your death with my eyes the cloth you have used to tie your tender neck with and the celing on which you hunged yourself. The haunting memories of yours though I have not talked with you and never met you as a person but I remeber the funniest sms you have send me. Dearie I miss you a lot tell me why tell me what was the reason for your suicide….

Reema-: I want to live. A mistake took my life away dijju, I want my body to be back, I want my family to be back. I regret a lot a lot for killing myself. I don’t know anything why the thought came to my mind , I don’t know why I committed a sin. That night we have laughed a lot, eating my favourite Gundruk in our new kitchen, but when I started studying then I felt I don’t remember anything , the chemical reactions, the notes anything and it frustrated me a lot. Then I thought the thing I have told to mom last night that I will drop my paper and how mom had consoled me I can’t do that. I remembered my SLC % it was distinction , being a distinction holder in SLC I could not just fail the exam. My reputation , my aim and everything would just fade away. I thought then what should I do. I stopped studying and went to bed. But could not sleep, my eyes vacant staring the celing and the feeling came to my mind that I must die and inorder to escape from the reality. Reality would bite if I fail, what a shame would it be to my dad and mom. Then I thought of hanging myself and within few minutes I hunged myself without thinking anything and anything not even not thinking of the small sister who was sleeping beside me. I regret and I feel sorry for kiling myself and I feel so bad about the loss of my biological existence because I want to live. I regret of suiciding and I would never want anyother to suicide like me. Life’s too precious, however I have been the victim of the society and the social status..and I feel hurt  every moment I feel this. A tag of suicider in my name. I feel bad so bad…

Sweta-: Would not I feel pang dearie…I wish I could spell a magic and make you alive but your biological body is burnt and has already turned into ashes…I wish I could ..I could give you life …that you want to live. I wish…i adrently wish…..

P.S. -: Now I can’t talk with another one…whom I have mentioned in earlier blog…I just cant….it is hurting me..making me feel the immense pain becasue of death.