For Walking in my Life ~Thanks

With you all in my heart
I swing ~you all swing
And
Thus we live~ we continue to live

This is for You ~ You ~ You ~You and You …Many Many You(s) who have walked in my life and made it so so beautiful and meaningful. You have walked in my life in many different beautiful forms~ in the form of laughter, in the form of bond, in books, in all those pink gifts that you bring for me from every where~ from spectacles from Newroad to cute pink clips from Singapore to scarf from France to pink socks from Japan to cute pink horse from USA~or a pink diary from Denmark~a pink phone cover from amazon (: or in the form of pink chaubandi from dhoj ko pasal or in the form of pen drive from Mahabaudha ~ or in the form of jhol momo talk  or in the form of soul sister in twitter #dm in the form of the sweetest self made birthday card or in the form of the first greeting card in my post box from California ~ or in the form of somebody who cares me more than myself or in the form of immense love ~ intense love ~ over a cup of Herbal Tea at our small cozy table.

I have always been the most pampered one in every relation that I have maintained with you all~you have been greatest bearer of my nastiness and sweetest sweetness and  truly an integral part of my little heart. I don’t know my small physical heart has kept all the emotions that I feel for you all so clear ~ and I wonder how you all carry me in your heart where ever you go~ how special I am to you all and how I can’t imagine my life without you all.

Constant Change

You are utterly silent. You don’t speak up with anyone and act normal putting up the same smile that you have been doing for long and that you are habituated with. You bottle up yourself, you don’t share and you lock your feelings, sufferings inside the invisible bottle you have formed inside yourself. You had a bad dream and you live with the fear that if one day that dream will come true. You have been horrified by it. Yet, you don’t express your horror. But you control yourself. But you don’t speak out. How much speaking it out important? And how much it is necessary to control yourself and not speaking out? How long you bound yourself but not speaking and breaking the circle you are moving for so long and that you are already tired of? Yet, you don’t speak, do you?

All because of the ‘Fear’: Fear of situational changes, fear of behavioral changes, fear of pressure, fear of anxieties and most importantly fear of losing. How bad are we at losing? The fear of losing already gives us anxieties. What after when we lose in real? Is all the time winning the most important? Or it is just that you are tired of losing? Tired of losing all the very time and don’t want to lose anymore. Will not it be monotonous? At sometime will you not be tired of your own monotony?

Dreams ??

Close the eyes and dream tonight

Don’t dream old

Dream something new this time

Is it the brain or heart ?

Which one sketches the dreams of mine?

Twisting and Turning —

Turning and twisting all over the night

 Viewing a view seen only with the closed eyes..

Sunday blues !

This is the story written in stream of consciousness technique …..

………………………………..

He came home being drunk as usual…the child is sleeping he doesn’t cares….I am waiting him with a hungry stomach….he really doesn’t cares…..I am so desperate for his words….he is damn indifferent…

Shaili, come on girl …wake up….you are getting late for your class…No mom….No….I don’t want to go to college today….I have unironed clothes and my hair is so dirty……I don’t know when this girl is growing up….

Mom….I need more biskut( biscuit) …says 3 year old Satish…No..more biscuit dear…you need to eat lunch soon….No No I need biskut…I need some more biskut….He starts crying …..

I stood numb…Why doesn’t he cares?….Why is he so much indifferent? I have been searching reasons what mistake I have done…..I stood numb as always….Biskut…Biskut….

Satish stop yelling….No more Biskut….Call your papa for lunch….

Oh ! your papa is here….

You are….

Many Many Thanks to Shilpi Joshi ( Didi ) Amazing Tibet

You are….

Just as  amazing  as the above picture….

You come up with surprises…..

You come up with love….

You bring love when the clouds above fall…

You come and mix up with me….

Like water falling in the river….

As if we were never unknown…to each other….

You come up with dreams …….

Cool…December Treat…

WOW..Fantastic

I am feeling overwhelmed after today’s rain. The wet roads , wet everywhere and the cool air when it hit my face while driving. Simply its awesome and I am feeling so cool after a long time. The cool and cold are different things at least for me it is different because I cool enivonment is wht  simply love . ( And I love being in rain )

Unfortunately , this time too I was sleeping while it rained after such a long interval of time.  Unlucky me..could not get wet ..

After umm months rain has arrived. The wait for the Novemember rain had left me with no hopes but December  see december gave me such an wonderful treat. Rainfall !!! Rainfall !!! HUrrey..HUrrey…

Wonderful chill

I am not getting ill

I want to feel

Yes the Chill

The feeling is such a charismatic that also while driving and feeling the cool waves getting through the poers of my body, letting the cool flow in my veins and the coolness creating freshness in me. The warmth of freshness is different. To look outside typing these words is even wonderful , I am feeling the cool waves.

How much wonderful it would have been if I were wet, like Rohika didi , Di I am really jealous that you got wet that also while driving. No I wanted to fele the same but poor poor me , I slept, I slept …feeling the warmth of sirak and wasn’t moving even when I hear the big big drops falling …and mom shouting kasto Pani paryo…hare…

I had desperately waited for the November rain but there was no rainfall throughout November, I had no hopes and nothing but was thinking of snowfall in Feburary unlike last..not last..last+ last year that how nature graced Kathmanduties with wonderfulk snowfall..poor me that time too I was sleeping. This sleeping habit has made me lose so many wonders of life. I am thinking of changing this habit a new new year’s resolution, unlike every year.

But would my wait of November Rain be compensated by the December rain. I know how much I was desperate for the November Rain, so many friends know this. Would December’s wonderful treat give me the feelings of such romantica that I had wanted to feel through the cool cool December Rain. I am asking this question to myself , am I enjoying this cool december rain fall.

Definately, I am enjoying this rainfall but it would have been better if this same rain had fall on November. November Rain I had dreamt whatever, but see here December has arrived with rain..perhaps I must say december is gong away lefting me the sweet reminisense of this cool I am feeling right now, which I had wanted desperately in Novembr , let me say through Rain in November Rain. Would December Rain compensate for November Rain, no or yes, no or yes, yes or no…..What…Whatever..dream…..

Yes I am enjoying this …feeling the hot hot cup of Coffee..though not Mocha,,,at Java..but near here at Durbarmarg..ummm Kingsway..City Cafe..hehe hot hot treat incool December eve….Enjoyed a lot…

P.S. Loved it so much..enjoyed it so much..Thanks December..forthis wonderful treat…..that left me with…such a wonderful feeling…Shall cherish it..this whole year…hehe…(Next year too I shall wait for November …rain…)..and next year FEB snow……in2009….

Loved it ..so much….

Untitled

A feeling so lone..

The calm eyes shone..

Thumping heart..wants to believe..in each beat..

But mind controls it…says don’t believe it..

A feeling so strange..

A feeling so sacred..

The stillness..of the emotions..till this day…

Yes…still in the hues

When I see the still image…throuh this internet…

I laugh at my helplessness…

Chosen STAR ran away…

Chosen STAR runs away..

Runs away…

Ran away…

Beautiful !!!

A feeling, so strange…

A warmth, giving so much change…

A dream, going miles and miles..

Giving me a reason to smile….

A feeling to be cherished for the life time..

An achievement indeed..who else of mine…

Beautiful!!!

Its raining!!!

It is raining so hard outside making me shake because of clod. Guess what I am enjoying the rain. A collegue at my office just came being wet. I wished I could go and dance in the rain. Being health conscious and of course because of being at office I am I can’t go there and dance. I wish I were at home..but mom would kill me….so I wished I had no bike…and no umbrella and I were walking in the rain. ( It is because I hate rain while driving so I imagine myself walking ). Seems todays rain’s gonna rock !!! and I am right now tuned to Times FM  ( Of course in my new mobile yes the touch screen Motorola…oh I ma loving it..but I really don’t know how to use it ) and finished listening to the romantic song “Tere ore” and RJ is informing about Katrina Kaif…let me change the station now..but seems a nice song…romantic of course something  “Apne to Apne” I have never heard the song. I need to change because this RJ is making me go mad ….

I am tuned into Radio Nepal..yes my office…ummm and I am hearing News..English ..but I think I cant hear this too because I need some romantic songs to light me up today coz the rain is making me go round round and round…..Yes I am feeling..feeling what..the cold..of course..but this coldness has something charm in it. I am little sick today. ( Times FM again and the song is Timi lai bhetne…timi sanga bolne by Nabin K. Bhattrai..tell me poo is not the song matching with the situation and did you get what Sweti is feeling ).

Yeah..this season change is hard to handle by me evergreen…coughing….sneezing season…and this time right now I am missing hot coffee …of my mom’s hand….( I think poo is going for the another coffee break…and I am jealous…let me ask her…yes she is online and I am talking to her as well ). Outside it is raining..and I am feeling something. Something obscure…something so good to feel ….something ….yes something….here in the heart..( UGH!!! this RJ …comeon “doshain” she is pronouncing “Dashain” ..who will hear her…). Hits FM….and english love songs and would I be able to handle these overflowing feelings….GOD…..

Will be back in a while…I want to go outside and feel the rain….the chill not the drops of rain…

Hey I am back after few seconds…and seems the rain calmed little bit. Incessant…..love the word….Incessant..rain…and incessant feelings…they are all same for me…The sweet air waves and the cool breezes…and my cheeks are freezing…but my hand is hot because I never had cold hands in the severest winter…This song in my ear right now…though I have never heard ever…is so cool…its love song indeed…the lyrics is good too…”I am the man who can’t be moved”.

The rain has stopped I think…yeah…just few drops are falling…No, seems it has not stopped yet…..No coffee here at my office..no one to give hot water..too but if it were Radio Nepal…so many cups of hot tea..but I never drank just a big glass of hot water is what I love the most. I am remembering to read “The Alchemist” …..

The weather is making me creative….and I am hearing Nepali songs in Sagarmatha FM…I love Nepali songs that are romantic…some are really good and I love peppy songs too. I just remember song matching with situation by Nalina Chitrakar..”Pani Pani bhayo Mero maan Pani “…( My heart’s too being watery ) Wow another song that I love in my ear ….Birano Pardeshi ..by I don’t know who….but I love this song…and I know the lyrics..and I am humming too…”Bhana bhana ye birano Pardeshi”.

So, these thoughts are being generated in my heart..because of the weather so romantic and these extremely romantic songs are enlightening me to write..encouraging me to recollect my feelings..feelings so obscure…I don’t know what is this thing I am feeling..a chill in my heart…a cool feeling in my heart..I don’t know what I am feeling….something chiso…chiso(cold)…something so good…like drinking a cold coffee that day….while I was feeling so hot…

I wish I were at home..watching TV and eating hot hot things that mom would be cooking and Hot coffee…but hey would I be blogging..no no I would not be…so I am happy here at office because My boss is not here and no one around me…the door is open and cool air is entering here at my office..it is still raining…

I remeber some words  —–should I censor..no no let me write-: ” Cloud has sliver lining..and it ends up being rain, u do love rain right Sweta”.

Let me check has poo gone to another coffee break…..I am real jealous hai..poo please don’t mind honey…