Dead but Not Defeated

I remember the words told by my teacher while teaching us Ernest Hemingway’s The Old Man and Sea, “A man can die but cannot be defeated”.  Reviving these words today in this blog.

Yesterday I wrote about killing this blog because this blog was suffocating or the writer was. Confusing. I have forgotten that tommorrow is Jan 1st what the hell is it, 2008 is ending so fast and I am here with no plans unlike last year I was busy with whom?? I was busy with my stupid work. Wondering about where were my friends and I am thinking right now where are my friends this year too. Where is my plan nothing yet not even their is time for me to make the new resolution . ( I am thinking I should again find out the list that I had made last year and trying to follow this this year too )

No I am not trying to get frustrated or getting out of being frustrated.

So, I was talking about old man who sailed on a ship who wanted to kill the biggest fish. I don’t want to kill the biggest fish because I want satisfaction and I can be satisfied with tthe smallest fish. Hey I am vegetarian , but another anology.

I can die but I cannot be defeted. This blog can die but the words here are eternal and this blog can never be defeated not even the creator can defeat this. I am not challenging the creator which I can never do. I am sorry creator….I am trying to be like you which I am trying….still knowing the fact that I can never compete and can never be like you.

But still I can die creator but can never be defeated,,,,,You can never defeat me..

This blog will not suicide..but it shall revive again and the revival post will be posted tommorrow..

Still I have no any such plans to do this and that but I am making resolution thats for any blast in the new year a small feeling a small feeling and elaborate that I can die but I can never be defeated.. 

Happy New Year eve…


Lucky blog

I am feeling lucky. The advancement of technology through which I am able to type these wonderful words,thanks to adsl and special thanks to inverter by grace of which adsl modem is running and special thanks to this N82 in which i am typing these words. I am enjoying this cool morning in front of this fire no electricity so no computer…no college because of another strike and no office because of no electricity and what about lazy sweta cheers another day to rest. Lovely cell blog my 1st mobile entry cheers

Hot Cup of Coffee

Thinking of Cafe Mocha…Lovely hot hot Cafe Mocha but here I an Home..back from college after reaching the college gate and I found out that today’s college is closed. What College is closed ? I had run very fast today…Actually I had ardently wished for removing the tag of Late comer. Thats why I had run very fast but see today’s college closed , What a parody ? ( Teachers Pen down ). I shouted why we were not informed then. Its so rubbish that you go to college wishing to study. Driving so fast without thinking anything. In this run I couldnot comb my hair, I am used to my unpressed pant and unpolished shoe, but without combing hair like this..this is too I am used too.

And meanwhile when you have noo charge in the inverter then the life in darkness and because of use of inverter you don’t even have candle in your home. Thank god there was this Torch light by grace of which I was able to search my sweater and socks and what about the college bag. It was as it is.  But where were the copies and dot pen. And where was my shoe and my cell phone. Everything needs to be find out. It would be easy when there is light but when you need to search with the help of a Torch Light then…and moreover you are at home till 6:15 while the college starts at 6:20. ( I laugh at my helplessness sometimes )

When you reach the college, then it is closed. What a good example of living….A parody of life.

Still I was happy because I was able to escape from the daily schedule.

(This I had wrote on Dec-:19 but couldn’t post, below this is updated one )

Today its saturday again…yesterday’s rain came and wet my soul. I am feeling good. I am thinking of rain, if it rains unexpectedly then that also while driving then it would be another big surprise for me.

Oh! again I am longing for coffee, its getting colder here and what else feeling bored….thinking to post another story…hearing this song Kusume Rumal….

Cool…December Treat…


I am feeling overwhelmed after today’s rain. The wet roads , wet everywhere and the cool air when it hit my face while driving. Simply its awesome and I am feeling so cool after a long time. The cool and cold are different things at least for me it is different because I cool enivonment is wht  simply love . ( And I love being in rain )

Unfortunately , this time too I was sleeping while it rained after such a long interval of time.  Unlucky me..could not get wet ..

After umm months rain has arrived. The wait for the Novemember rain had left me with no hopes but December  see december gave me such an wonderful treat. Rainfall !!! Rainfall !!! HUrrey..HUrrey…

Wonderful chill

I am not getting ill

I want to feel

Yes the Chill

The feeling is such a charismatic that also while driving and feeling the cool waves getting through the poers of my body, letting the cool flow in my veins and the coolness creating freshness in me. The warmth of freshness is different. To look outside typing these words is even wonderful , I am feeling the cool waves.

How much wonderful it would have been if I were wet, like Rohika didi , Di I am really jealous that you got wet that also while driving. No I wanted to fele the same but poor poor me , I slept, I slept …feeling the warmth of sirak and wasn’t moving even when I hear the big big drops falling …and mom shouting kasto Pani paryo…hare…

I had desperately waited for the November rain but there was no rainfall throughout November, I had no hopes and nothing but was thinking of snowfall in Feburary unlike last..not last..last+ last year that how nature graced Kathmanduties with wonderfulk snowfall..poor me that time too I was sleeping. This sleeping habit has made me lose so many wonders of life. I am thinking of changing this habit a new new year’s resolution, unlike every year.

But would my wait of November Rain be compensated by the December rain. I know how much I was desperate for the November Rain, so many friends know this. Would December’s wonderful treat give me the feelings of such romantica that I had wanted to feel through the cool cool December Rain. I am asking this question to myself , am I enjoying this cool december rain fall.

Definately, I am enjoying this rainfall but it would have been better if this same rain had fall on November. November Rain I had dreamt whatever, but see here December has arrived with rain..perhaps I must say december is gong away lefting me the sweet reminisense of this cool I am feeling right now, which I had wanted desperately in Novembr , let me say through Rain in November Rain. Would December Rain compensate for November Rain, no or yes, no or yes, yes or no…..What…Whatever..dream…..

Yes I am enjoying this …feeling the hot hot cup of Coffee..though not Mocha,,,at Java..but near here at Durbarmarg..ummm Kingsway..City Cafe..hehe hot hot treat incool December eve….Enjoyed a lot…

P.S. Loved it so much..enjoyed it so much..Thanks December..forthis wonderful treat…..that left me with…such a wonderful feeling…Shall cherish it..this whole year…hehe…(Next year too I shall wait for November …rain…)..and next year FEB snow……in2009….

Loved it much….

Bus-sy Journey

A Bus-sy Journey…( Balkhu to Dakshinkali )

Tiresome it was. It was wonderful but really really tired due to the journey done in the bus for more than two hours. The biggest bus I have ever ride. The seats I was imaginging to be cozy but it was so uncomfortable. The bus fare so high. I was amazed but I need to pay it , mandatory (because me and mom can’t shout like the other woman did saying she will kick his ass…lol )

Me and mom and other two people in the bus and the bus so much scary and more scary was the road so much small and the turnings much more scary than anything. I was thinking how would I have drove in this road. ( It was challenge to me that after driving for more than two years in the Kathmandu road having accident for two times, I was thinking of driving in the road all the way to Dakshinkali)

Hopefully the challenge was withdrawan while all the plans were set up for driving because I dared walking rather than driving. Driving I do that every day actually the challenge was to walk and ride the bus that I had left for a long time period. So, I chosed walking and riding bus. ( heheheheheh …)

The journey began early morning and I was feeling tired walking.

We were supposed to find out some taxi that should have taken us but the taxi -driver showed the way to bus stand that’s why a bus as if it were a big house was there and it was a different experience to ride such a big bus and such an uncomfortable.

The scenes I was peeping through the window so that I could enjoy looking those beautiful scenes and it was wonderful to look at the foggy nature nothing could be seen other than the fog. ( But truly fog was also very very natural something I haven’t experienced that is why I was feeling wonderful )

I was thinking about Poo, my friend and her blog where she had described very beautifully the majestic scenes and sceneraies that had made her feel charismatic and I was trying to feel the same. But where was the feeling in me. There was no feeling at all and thats why howvever hard I tried to feel I could not feel anything other than the pain due to the uncomfortable seats.

No Queue ( I was thinking , am I dreaming )

The temple area so much clean and beautiful goddess there whom in muy 2 decades life have never seen. It is not that I was in Dakshinkali for the first time but I have visited it many a times but it is the first time that I had glimpses of lord Kali- Dakshinkali. I was thinking of Sheeba Shivangani Shah’s book Beyond the Illusions where she had potrayed Lord Kali so much majestically. I was trying to remember  her words and feel , feel eternal Kali residing within me.

Yes, she resides here inside me. What was the reason then for the long journey few hours back ?? I don’t know why I was so eager to visit the temple. I got what I felt and I am feeling the immense power the Kali, Lord Kali has. The power that she keeps lord Shiva under her feet, the power that she has to rule the world, the power of love she does and she gives to us. The power of Kali ..Ma Kali..Dakshinkali.  Her face so black as the name suggests , the teeth of her and sharp and feeling that she is showing how much powerful she is and she preserves.

So, back after visiting the mother too of DakshinKali…and it was immense pleasure too.

I was insisting mom continuously that I want to eat and we ate stale food so costy. But I felt good to eat …aalu, chana, malpa, chiya , pakauda……( kasto basi….mom was saying ).

Then again the same big house sized bus moving. The same uncomfortable seats and people …Oh god so many people there and it was fun to talk with mom about so many things and things we were looking through window..and we relalized that mom’s purse is lost. We searched and searched but it was nowhere.

So, I am feeling really realy tired even typing these words and listening Aerosmith after a long time. The legs are paining too.

P.S.  A Bus-sy Journey…..wonderful..


Its beating harderIts ……

Thumping faster

Whats new Whats new

A new Dream

I dreamt!!!!


I felt


Listening the winds blowing

The feelings that are flowing…

In the veins

Along with the blood and breathe…

Making me feel the intensity of pain…


With these emotions till today..

The eyes…

The arms

Farewell to them

The warmth and all….

Let it beat..

Harder or even harder

Let it bleed

Let it beat..

Jaat Sodhnu Jogi Ko..

Fantastic !!!

WOW..I am spellbounded because I am laughing till today remembering the evidences of the drama I watched last Saturday. Such an wonderful representation of human predicament created in the form of laughter. A way the writer has presented himself and the director trying to make the audience think and think over the matter and contemplate I did the same.

In the introduction only it was said that the drama was very famous. At first I had thought seriously that this was a very serious. The issue was so much mind captivating. The wonderful dialogues and the wonderful characters make the play more and more interesting . The more you watch the play the more you feel energy for laughing. The more you get deep into it. You never know how the one hour went off.

The setting of the play at first Kathmandu city and after that a rural village. The protagonist of the play “Mai Narayan Gharti” played and splendidly potrayed by Sunil Pokherel is still in my mind. The expressive dialogues and the soliloquy of the character was really wonderful. The whole dramatic element was presented very much well. Everyone did their job very much nicely. Each character played by the actors was splendid.

Another Gurukul masterpiece , the paly made me contemplate. When we look at the plot of the play too it is based on the contemporary realities and its a beautiful picture of the contemporatry realities. How much a person longs for the Master Degree, how much he longs for the job and how much he does to save the job.

Its a struggle of a person for study, for job, for his post and ofcourse for money, for the name Professor. I found myself in the character because of facing same problem. Longing to study hard, finding job not for money but for myself. The longing for study, the longing for the Professorship…

Also the students of rural area their language and the traces of simple modernism in them the way they talk, the way the rural grown-ups are all very much protrayed beautifully.

Anyways it was a real treat to me. It was so fun watching the play. I am feeling wonderful now too. Remembering the play. I am palnning to go there again to watch it. Again feel the laughter again hear the people laughing freakly freely..the drama hall  with all the laughter.

Hats off to the all….the actors and also Mr. Sunil Pokhrel and yes the director Anup Baral.