सुनसान सुनसान !

केवल ईच्छाले छुन सक्ला कहिले  सुनसान धरहराले आकाशको चम्किने तारा   (फोटो: मेरो -एक साँझमा धरहरा )

केवल ईच्छाले छुन सक्ला कहिले
सुनसान धरहराले आकाशको चम्किने तारा
(फोटो: मेरो -एक साँझमा धरहरा )

प्राप्ती र अप्राप्तीको
दोसाधमा उभिएर
प्राप्ती भन्दा अलिकवर
लक्ष्मणरेखा ननाघेर
उभिएको छु म अप्राप्तीको काँधमा

आँखा तन्काइ तन्काइ हेरिरहने
शरीर मर्काइ मर्काइ
जोड सँग साहसले नाघ्न खोज्नुपर्ने
लक्ष्मणरेखा भन्दा प….रररको प्राप्ती
केवल हेर्नलाई मात्र रहेछ ।

मुखुन्डो लगाएर तर्सौन आउने
थरी थरी आकंश्याहरु
कहिले मुर्त, कहिले अमुर्त
भएर आउने भावनाको बाढीहरु
र यही बिच धुजा धुजा हुने सपनाहरु
केवल महसुस गर्नलाई मात्र रहेछ ।

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Memory card

I wish I had…

A memory card……

Inside the black forest….

It would be gem then !!!

It would be easier then….

Just take it out and format it…

No virus called “You” would reside again…

Just take it out and format it…

No virus called “You” would reside again…

No virus called you……

Cold

Don’t know why I am feeling so cold…so lone..as I had felt last September….I don’t want to be numb as always…quite and suffering with the pain…No, I don’t want to give pain to others because they don’t deserve it…the most beautiful people in the world..they can’t tolerate it…

Some days can be boring like this…Sweety must be chatting with her friends…as always..or facebooking…but I am here typing don’t know why I opt for this…writing…..Seems like …I am so habituated to my colleagues…to chat and laugh unnecessarily…backbite about Sweety, and a lot of girly gossips….but what if Sweety bans..it here at office.

I prefer imagination to reality. Coleridge has well said “Reality is dark dream”….Yes.. it is a dark dream…I don’t want to dream a dark dream…really it hurts to know..it hurts to realize which I don’t want to..
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Oh Saturday

Waiting since the sunday comes, so many things undone to be done. What can one do in 24 hours. Sometimes I feel these 24 hours is not enough for me. But what the hell I am doing other than running. Running from home to college ( always late..If I will be on time then it would be a record ), then to this day office which is wacky too, then  to the place where I love work but seems like knowing so many things I am feeling somehow disillusioned. Then coming home in the time where I used to be alseep. Then eating the food which I really don’t want to eat because it is the time for me to sleep. But I need to eat, “Mandatory”. Then give sometime to books otherwise busy smsing ….

Sometimes I get sick of this that I have not prepared any notes and that my new competitor in class is going ahead. I am helpless the hard I try the hard I cannot do anything. Then I conclude I need few hours more for myself, without which I cannot stand.

I really don’t have time for myself, I needed to give sometime to family and my lone mom too but I don’t have time for myself. I hardly mangae to comb my hair while going to college and also never iron my pant and never polish my shoes..then what happenes would not I look messy..so much messy.. and my baby bride she needs a wash..but first I need to wash me nah !!

So, I am always waiting for this day yes saturday..since sunday starts..when I can have little time for myself and if I need to do things but Would I be able to do so, no I don’t. Perhaps I manage to rest. I become furious that I need to work on saturdays too. Yes my day office’s work going to brief the tour..which is wacky meeting guests but I think these were the best clients accepting everything I told..hehe…

Its hectic..managing to do so many things but not managing to think. I am losing my thinking power. My room so messy, all days I cannot wait mom to clean it, I feel ashamed too..but what can I do..day by day its getting messier, day by day I am not getting any time for me..

Losing thinking power is so much sad, I have not been listening to the inner voice that could have guided me..but see I don’t have time.

Its hard to wake up in the mornings and its more hard to run in this chilly cold days..

Helpless that I laugh sometimes at myself..

Saturdays I can have time like this..but still I am busy with internet.. and now what I am going to do is..getting vitamin D..yes the sun.. and its wow.. good night..oops good day…hehe..

lazy days.. lazy saturdays..i love this..hope this saturday be saturday forever.. but what tomorrow’s Sunday….again absurd schedule..its wacky..

P.S. Absurd life…Absurdity of this wonderful life…

Empty..

Breathing ….now and then,

Incessantly…

Filing this empty vessel..with air..

Trying to live..here ..making this empty thing alive..

Each moment I thrive..I thrive..

Making this empty thing alive..

A soul and a fleshy..empty thing..

A hollowness..very very deep..

Insane..it is..breathing in and out..

I keep my silence…and I don’t shout..

Emptiness I preserve..

Emptiness I preserve..

Breathing incessantly..in and out..

Restless

Restless I am feeling..

Restless this thing is thumping…

Wanting to stop this beating thing..

Wanting to hide the scar paining..

Restless I am feeling…

Restless this thing is thumping..

The injured thing..is hard to handle…

Restlessly it thumps…making me insane..

Insane feeling…here I am….

Unable to feel yes the feeling..

This vacant eyes …searching instantly…

This overflowing feelings…

This thing thumping…

Mothic Future

I am looking at those fluttering moths

Hovering around the light so bright

In the midst of this dark night

Searching for the warmth they are …

Wanting the warmth..

Warmth that is all in vain..

I imagine a “mothic Future”..so much uncertain

They hover around to make themself warm

Unaware they are all in charm,

Getting the fake warmth

More moths came fluttering…

Hovering as others did..

Soon I observe,

Them falling

They are falling…

Oh my God said I…

“They are dying”..

Their future so uncertain…a mothic Future…dying in the end..

Dying from the warmth they need…

More Moths are falling, more and more are dying,

I am here observing,

A Mothic Future indeed.

Same as theirs..I imagine my future..yes its uncertain…

Infact nothing is certain in this world,

Waiting the certainty..we hover as the moths did..

And in the end

We fall

We fall

And we meet the Death so uncertain…

A Mothic Future indeed DW