I suddenly miss so many of you when I realize it has been 40 minutes I have been walking alone. How I hated walking alone, then and how now walking alone feels so safe – feels so much like meditation. It feels vacant. Something deep inside a hollow – there is nothing- no piled up dreams and no any more desire to do something- something new- may be apply for a new job at the most attractive places? No frustrations that you failed so many interviews, so many things you almost got it and lost in a blink of eye.
But walking alone makes me feel strong. Stronger, I must say. When I realize, I was not used to doing it anytime… it is because I longed for all of your company so hard, so badly. The circle I created for me with you all inside was so much mine that I never thought anything outside of it. When the circle line started to fade away with time, situations or even the circumstances or simply the choice? ~ truly I was not prepared. If I was prepared enough then I wonder – I would not have come along so strong. Yet, I miss you all — suddenly when I open the door and find pin drop silence that eventually makes me gulp my voice, suppress it down and down and then lock it somewhere beneath ~ however it tries so hard to come out. What is the use of it — when it remains unheard?
I feel vacant while I walk among a hundred of pedestrians like me. I don’t notice them – so do they. Everyone is heading somewhere – perhaps a destined one or the desired one or the forced one? How desire and destiny related with each other? Do they overlap? Continue reading