New Beginnings

What a year we lived through! With the Global Pandemic Covid-19

Prophetstown State Park, West Lafayette, 2020

As days blend together and become weeks and to months and to a whole year ~

Where we tread into the unknown with little knowledge and fear ~

With the most scariest emotion fear ~ we lived by while

We bid farewell to all the loved ones who went to another world into another space

Where we could never touch them but relive together with them with the memories we have made

As we navigated how to stay safe, keep on living, and keep on having hopes alive

Through our phones, laptops, and let’s not forget the hours of zooms

As we intertwined within the objects to reach to our lovely humans across time, space, and geographies

We lived through this!

Navigating the ambivalence with resilience and diligence

And, here we are a year later~ stronger like never

Cheers to the new beginning and the new year

West Lafayette, Indiana 01.01.2021

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Wishes & Dreams

Some Deja Vu.

Some reflections.

Some dreams lost.

Some dreams gained.

Some wishes fulfilled.

And.

Some that remain

~ Puerto Rico, 2019

Waiting for.

the night.

to fall.

and.

dreams to.

knock on.

Flying away with the dreams.

Some day.

I try to fly.

to catch some dreams.

to search here and there.

and.

continually fly.

West Lafayette, 01.02.2020

Secret ~ No More #RageAgainstRape

Secret,

That’s how it started

And, was supposed to end.

Subsumed,

Deep in the corners of my heart

Your thumbprints all over my skin

Was supposed to be the “secret”.

You made me the in-charge

Of keeping your deeds over my body a “secret”

Your “secret”. You made it my “secret”

Made me believe that

it would shame me – not you

it would shame my family – not you

it would make me lose everything – not you

Your audacity

On believing that~ I will keep an eternal silence amazes me. 

But, I stand up to break the silence

I always knew it~ It wasn’t my fault

I always knew it~ It wasn’t supposed to be a secret

And, my voice ~  will make you lose everything not me

I stand to display your thumbprints to everyone

One by one,

Everyone will know it

Once~ it is secret no more

it is your shame- not mine

This poem is written for all the survivors of sexual assault and any kind of gender-based violence. And, against all the perpetrators!

 

#metoo #RageAgainstRape @RiseAgainstRape #JusticeforNirmala #Justiceforallrapevictima

 #Speakup #Listentosurvivors #Lovesurvivors

In between

A surreal memory of Fall Walk… Pic: By Me (: 

a night you struggle to sleep,

it is not pain, it is suffering.

last remaining autumn day struggles to remain still

all those fallen leaves and bare trees,

reveal–time has come~ serene autumn days should go,

should fly away in a blink

such that when you wake up one random morning

autumn is suddenly gone

and, flying snow will flutter around

 inevitable…i know! we know!

 something we are taught and prepared for

“inevitable”

or…in between pain and suffering, may be

an en route to you yourself and the “you” you want to be

is it a suffering?

but new “you” will come always in between you and yourself,

*inevitable*,

And, truth is something in between

 

 

*Footnote to self*: But suffering could be transformed into an energy to continue the journey between you and yourself (:, embrace 2018 (: 

Fairfax, VA, 12.28.2017

and, you think we are equal

And, you think you and I are equal (Pic: Derek Sherman at Celery Bog)

I thought God created us equal,

With bodies and biological realities,

With desires and sentiments,

With hunger and pain,

With senses and sensibilities,

Until the day I knew

We had a hierarchy!

Based on the languages we speak.

Based on yours and mine English

And, we both used it to talk about God and Truth

I couldn’t even pronounce God, you said correcting my pronunciation

And, said My God, and your God is same,

But you forgot to highlight the differences,

With clouds of hypocrisies over your head,

And, you corrected my English~ so that I could talk like you

So that I could speak like you

So that I could learn your voice

To replace mine, to forget mine!

And, yet you talked about God,

And, how humans are equal,

and, you think you and I are equal…

 

Revel in the infinite

Dandelions!! ~ They inspire me to fly in freedom without any attachment

Your eyes must have shone

Like a green emerald

When you typed your passion with the tip of your fingers!

And, added a line~ *you are smart* then after a comma *cute*

In the tiny little tide you sent,

I imagined myself, swaying in those emerald green eyes!

Then, being held by you so tight!

I started losing myself,

With the soothing breeze you sent,

And, like the dandelion loses its florets,

I started flying, all towards the infinite sky!

Your sentences never ended

As you transformed your periods into ellipses …

Neatly typed three dots …

Providing me the key to the box full of imaginations…

To revel in the infinite~~~as you would say!

*Title ~ inspired from a random conversation

Embracing Epiphany

It was like a painting

Dispersed in the white walls

The black dark

Immovable shadow

I was aware: I had been battling for long

And, part of me was tired

And, it remained immovable

Winter Memories~ #KtmKatha

Dijju: (My Aunt, Sister)
This picture was taken sometime during 2015 while we were returning from our regular visit to temple! The poem is dedicated to her!

I

You would warm your palms
In the burning coal
Put them on my cold rosy cheeks
Because, you know Kathmandu used to be so cold.
You would brew warm cup of tea,
To hear my nonsense over it.
I would complain, it is too cold.
I would complain, Life is hard.
And, you laugh over it and say~
Tell me something new!
Then, we would laugh!
Dear Dijju, (Sister)
Lafayette was -3 last time!
I yearned for everything~
Tea and talk besides warmth.

II

We would sit over the gas heater
Switch on Television for the regular Hindi Serials
Over the LED light that glowed only over the ceiling,
And, sometimes candle.
Because, Kathmandu suffered load shedding 🙂
I would read Tales from “Swasthani Barta Katha”,
And, you will fall asleep!
And~ I would keep on reading without complaining
Sometimes, we would discuss
How women were treated in the time of “Gods”?

The Path

That line supposed to separate

Hope and hopelessness

And,

Life and death

Who draws it?

Whose hand are those

That carves fate in the forehead?

You were the one

To walk on the path

You desired

Did you create it yourself?

Or

Are you treading on the path created by someone else?

That sublimity scares you!

Nirvana crack down your nerves!

You want it

AND

At the same time don’t want it.

*Double breathing*

The End.

मुटु Matters

In this mess of the river
I wish to flow
Ranting, crying, fighting
Just to reach to you!
Picture by: Kishor Sharma / Sunkoshi River

In the mess of sensation

You forget yourself

When your cheeks were imprinted

With my lipstick stains

Didn’t you forget yourself?

In those arms with warm embrace

You lose yourself

When you were held so tight

Didn’t you completely lose yourself?

In the mess of anguish, stress and pain

You strive to plant hope

Didn’t you want to water it too?

In the mess of life,

You struggle to find those tiny happiness

I dare.

Dear, that’s why I smile ((: