Winter Memories~ #KtmKatha

Dijju: (My Aunt, Sister)
This picture was taken sometime during 2015 while we were returning from our regular visit to temple! The poem is dedicated to her!

I

You would warm your palms
In the burning coal
Put them on my cold rosy cheeks
Because, you know Kathmandu used to be so cold.
You would brew warm cup of tea,
To hear my nonsense over it.
I would complain, it is too cold.
I would complain, Life is hard.
And, you laugh over it and say~
Tell me something new!
Then, we would laugh!
Dear Dijju, (Sister)
Lafayette was -3 last time!
I yearned for everything~
Tea and talk besides warmth.

II

We would sit over the gas heater
Switch on Television for the regular Hindi Serials
Over the LED light that glowed only over the ceiling,
And, sometimes candle.
Because, Kathmandu suffered load shedding 🙂
I would read Tales from “Swasthani Barta Katha”,
And, you will fall asleep!
And~ I would keep on reading without complaining
Sometimes, we would discuss
How women were treated in the time of “Gods”?

मुटु Matters

In this mess of the river
I wish to flow
Ranting, crying, fighting
Just to reach to you!
Picture by: Kishor Sharma / Sunkoshi River

In the mess of sensation

You forget yourself

When your cheeks were imprinted

With my lipstick stains

Didn’t you forget yourself?

In those arms with warm embrace

You lose yourself

When you were held so tight

Didn’t you completely lose yourself?

In the mess of anguish, stress and pain

You strive to plant hope

Didn’t you want to water it too?

In the mess of life,

You struggle to find those tiny happiness

I dare.

Dear, that’s why I smile ((:

Powerful Silences

Silence
communicates
may be more than the words~~ You heard me ~ didn’t you? Pic by: Niraj / Mumbai, India

 

One day I asked you~Why don’t you call me, text me? You answer~ is that necessary? Then we both laughed~ All we do is remain silent~ just deeply silent that surpasses the voice that needs to heard~because~ I probably don’t know the reason but may be sometimes silences are all that we hear! Especially you and me!

You tell me many times ~ it is through silences~ we talk more~more and more.

…

It was far away~ the point they met each other in the same color that one could not differentiate them from each other – they were dissolved in each other~ so open! There was the point where sea met the sky. When sky sees finds itself in the sea~ how will it feel? And when all those droplets travel in the form of vapor all the way to reach the sky~how will you feel oh! dear sky? To hold all those droplets and impregnate the clouds and then burst out again to fall in the sea~ how will it feel dear sea ~ to get back yourself that has travelled through the sky?

Second Set of Imaginations!

 

The year 2008: We were three- sitting on a bench at the college playground and we imagined of a spacecraft, we were astronauts suddenly and we started our spaceship and made some sound and we felt like traveling to another world. We ended in a laughter.

The year 2001: It was the Millennium! We thought we were the luckiest one to see the world living for past 10,000 years! We had a party of pakaudas and a small campfire! I remember I was a mere passive participant in the fete! I imagined why I was not part of the organizing team! How would I have also danced like them in the dress they were wearing?

Small tiny imaginations do make our moments valuable! One imagination was imagined together and that gave us smile and the other made me question about myself! Why I had to limit myself as a small naive child, who could not speak, who could not get good marks in the examination? Who didn’t even smile during the program of Gai Jatra festival with parents – where all the Hall was roaring with Laughter – This year must be 90’s when I was little. I was lost, lost – lost child – very very introvert.

Years after when I met you, I slowly try to come out of my introvert nature. I feel like I can share – I can speak and I will be heard. And, you heard, kept on hearing me! Till I started to speak, speak more! Smile more! Feel like loved! Loved? Really? I pinch myself! I feel like Yes – Oh yeah!

Second Set of Imaginations

We ensconce ourselves, in the heart of each other just like in the small chairs that we have marked ours indirectly because we never sit on any other chairs in the little cafe! This little cafe where we unlock our hearts and start narrating stories of pain, pleasure, happiness, sadness, anger, anxiety and love. No one would ever know may be the exact moment they fall in love just like the moment night and day meet to be apart daily, for that one moment of time! May be in that one moment I fell for you!

The Umbrella

Outside was ignored

As we were busy hearing

Each others’ Inside

Rain was a minimal thing

We were indifferent to the world

While hearing only

Each others’ unshared tale

Inbox (14)

Wings!!

Dear Friend,

And I know you will understand everything without me saying a single word, this is where we keep our friendship, our emotions so safe. You will understand the depth in each word when you will read in this little letter but… I have been writing you a lot~ a lot when knowing that I will never ever get a reply! I know-I know I am not throwing away my tantrums~ I wish I could!

The moment I thought all the things fell into places ~ the very moment ground shook it all ~ keeping me in a moment of awestruck, with a confidence to walk down at the zero level. But how long one could be in the same place where you day by day you lose your confidence. One day! One day! You were ought to say NO! scream out loud and to give yourself a little push to fly~ else your wings will be forever locked.

But! The flight will be so unknown! People will call you crazy! But you have guts to accept this craziness na? I know you will not judge anything, knowing that I was not right for the world but I was right for myself. For myself, it was a decision. Totally hard to get away from the emotion that doubles your happiness. Totally hard and difficult to give up little dreams that you planned. Are dreams planned? Yeah of course they can be, till you lose it piece by piece like the puzzle piece.

Inbox (13)

You are Everywhere!

The tips of my finger just typed the above words in my pink keyboard. I remember how you teased me saying, “You have everything pink- but Keyboard as well- Really?”, of course with your dimpled smile accepting my favorite color.   May be I have been thinking about you a lot or may be I have been talking with you inside my own world a lot or may be it is basically true that – “You are Everywhere ~ Just Everywhere”

How can somebody occupy that much space when I all the time say that I need my personal space, I need to be with myself! I think I lie. I don’t need my space anymore since the day when I welcomed you in my little world. The first day, I saw you~ world had completely blurred as eyes were focused on you ~ only you. I don’t know my mind did not only picture you but also took a video or even a selfie with you~ the memories lie in the perfect files in the cabinet of mind. Yeah, I do flip through files. Also through the pictures of you in my mind, sometime play back that video that I have captured you with smile, laughter or just in a silent mood when I am babbling a lot – like all the time I do or sometimes just watch ourselves walking together with crossed palms or you holding me in your arms or sometimes us sitting in the ground and just talking on and on and on.

May be truly – You are everywhere!

Few Poems – For You

Behind you – I silently compose poems in my head-But aren’t we poetry ourselves?

Poem-1: Pocket

In that pocket

Life is kept safe

More than the wallet

More than the house key

More than anything that’s valuable

There is You ~ my happiness

I call it heart!

……………………………………………………………………………..

Poem 2: Junkiri Nights

Moon was hiding behind that naked Tree

I viber-ed you

The image I managed to capture with phone

But

There was something I could only capture

The Treasure

Of course you are a Treasure! Do you think you are less? I don’t think so! Why? But Why, I don’t think so? After all what is that in you that makes me feel you are not less than a Treasure? You trouble me a lot! I feel like you have an attitude! Oh Yeah! You have so much of attitude problem na! More than I have! But does this makes you less than a Treasure! No, it still doesn’t. You would ask yourself why? May be you will not know the answer to it, right? Sometimes you don’t know your own name or your identity is so fluid that it keeps on floating- Right after this sentence, you know what I want to do? I want to rename you-because for me you are that sparkling gem in life and of course a Treasure!

There is no blood relation of ours like Ama or we haven’t spent years and years to know each other but feels like we have talked so much-spent our energies of voice through wave length of sounds, spent our time thinking about each other with the links being sent by telepathic waves, spent time reading about each other so much through our writings, spent time hearing about each other so much in those stories of childhood and youth we share – Does it feels to you that I am revealing all the secrets? Shh.. still not and I won’t. But I know you will let me express- like always – like the way you keep on listening for long while I don’t stop my babble. Ok! Let me babble a while…will you? Stop buzzing over my head, for a while- will you?

Maya Mantra (माया मन्त्र )

The sweet symphony

Swings all over me

When you come and touch

The Wind Chimes

Over my head

In the form of wind

While the Vipasyana Vibes

Are flowing erratic

Head to toe, toe to head

Outside Chimes are tinkling

Everywhere ~ inside me ~ you are!