December Tears

November ended with rain – But December gave more pain. Another number in calendar waits to be changed. The passed year is not going to come over again. The cold air outside is freezing  Kathmandu and day by day it  is getting cooler and colder. This heater really works as it burns and heats me up and the cold room.

The chits-chats are locked in the walls or are flown away from the window pane. The call unanswered. The call ignored. The talk so indifferent. The text messages unseen.

A novel yet to be completed ~ Anna Karenina — Oh how I love this love story. But this romantic tragedy pleases me.

One poem by Elizabeth Bishop reminds me always to master the art of losing. I do a lot to adopt this habit or to master the art of losing. Gradually, I am doing. People laughed at me while I lost a cell-phone for the first time ~ I was so normal. But I loved that phone, the snake game was very easy time -pass and I was after all the highest scorer and the “Snake Master”. But nothing pinched me.

And the right-eye is paining because of cold-infection. Every thing is over crowded ~ eyes are overcrowded with the tiny hot salty stream. But the sun has dried it ~ the stream is seasonal. Kohl – plays a great role – it becomes a dam. A strong one. But the eye-colors -I dislike them- they are for happy occasion- but kohl it is for every occasion.

A long walk along busiest New Road — aches the ankle, but the indifference seen pains the heart more. An old woman is seen burning a tiny piece of news paper, and tries to ease the cold, the mother of 3 ~ unknown who’s the father console herself in begging ~ I walk indifferent ~ so indifferent.

A far long wait for December ~ it tears apart the years.

December came with no delight. The wait for it was futile…totally futile.



You speak in silence…
I hear your voiceless words…
You speak in lapses…
I infer meaning so obscure…
You are silent as always…
Listening a chatterbox me….
Making comments so silently..
So silent you are…so silent you are….
So dear you are…
I shall state silences more competently than ever a better man spangled the butterflies of vertigo.” – Samuel Beckett


Some things are undefined…and they are beautiful while they are undefined…!!!! Everything has its own charm..even the undefined has its own charm…..Undefined do have its own charm…definitely….it leaves imprints…..a dark mark…having its own charm. People lack moral values…they don’t have mercy…….they don’t have ethics…..You hide yourself….in the veil…you show off that you are so beautiful… are not…because you have a ugly heart….the pink , blue colors don’t define your beauty….the color of skin so white with foundation. Black is beautiful too. But you don’t give a thought about it. You leave a dark imprint in my heart….that will remind me ever of your deeds…that would make me more stronger.

I have evolved like a phoenix. I have burned myself….like phoenix…….and again got rebirth(s)….with the ashes……I have been like the generations of the phoenix….living a long life and then burning self again to get birth as the same thing. We all are phoenix in many ways…….in many ways we burn ourselves and we get rebirth…regenerate ourselves…for a new life, for a new begining. The red paint in my nails continuously remind me but again…I regenerate myself….whenever I remember….!!!! I have to…

Uff…this neck is paining a lot, I remember my fingers are typing this after a long time period. But why I have been away from writing….here in this place in the web…which was so dear to me….I barely remember…..last time when I wrote here….I have been so away….!! I had to revive everything…again.

I did not cared about the flowing kohl… ran through my cheeks…..but I did not let her touch my eyes….and everything seems to be normal…but everything aint normal….undefined(s)….so real…seem so real…. just like sweet fragrance in the air….just like a beeping cell phone….or a voice which says it is Off… (: (:


P.S. -:  When you enter you have to exit..

P.S -: Unedited