November Drizzles

Nov 12 ..Whoa..and it rains!

Running in the Rain (Found it in google)

We live at the ends of the world -far so far -unreachable to each other-unseen to each other-known and at the same time unknown to each other. I ignore you and you ignore me. I am indifferent to you and you are indifferent to me. Year(s) went away- but it remains same -doesn’t it? I don’t have to prove -you don’t need it too. Why don’t you and I untie the knot that we created for ourselves? Aren’t we living in zero -that we created for ourselves? Everything is damn inconsistent but why the hell are we designed in such a way that the feeling -every feeling-happiness or sadness so are so static? You grow-I grow-the world grows -seasons changes-but why feelings don’t?

This November breeze coming right from the closed window -strikes at the soul-freezes it and makes it numb. I enjoy this numbness. I enjoy this striking freezing pain. I enjoy your flash-backing memories. I enjoy the painful feeling of our good times. I wonder always – Why imagining of holding your hand was so much satisfying than catching the real hands of yours? But why the real hug of yours crossed away the boundary of satisfaction 1000 times more than that imagination gave?

The warm hug of yours

सन्दुक

Fallen and scattered Mimosa (Pic by Kishor K Sharma)

सन्दुकरुपी मनमा

भावनाको पत्र

खात माथि खात

लेख्दै - जम्मा पार्दै

र तल्चा मार्दै

गुम्साएर, ढुस्साएर, सँगालेर राख्ने

भावनाहरु, आकांक्षाहरु, ईच्छाहरु

त्यै सुयोगबिर त हो नि ।


छाती भरी बेदना थुपार्ने

अदृश्य घाऊ पालेर राख्ने

मनैमा हुर्काउने, मनैलाई दु:खाउने

सहेर पिडा घाम र पानीको

शिरिष भइ उभिएर

सक्म्बरी फुलाउने

त्यै सुयोगवीर त हो नि ।


बुढो सुयोगवीरको बैशलु सपना कि रानी
उ त्यै सकम्बरी त हो नि ...

Closet memories…

There are two types of hope — one hopeful and the other hopeless. And you deleted me yet again right? But why you added me giving me a “hopeful” hope that had shone my eyes with a warm pleasure that you still think about me — after all these years we spent in a self made separation (or-you-made-separation). I have been tracking my old diaries –to find you yet again. Why I hurt myself? I don’t know! Why did you? Perhaps you may not know it or you never imagined that I could be hurt to this extent?

I have this hopeless hope that somehow consoles me…or it is the thing that I live by. My hopeless hope where there is no joy, no excitement, no desperation, no pain, no expectation, no anything. Not a thing at all. Not even that you might sometimes think about me and contemplate. Not even a single moment of pleasure or even pain. A vacant hopeless hope. All the feelings for these memories are vacant. There is nothing left but still there is something left.

It is November! Suddenly without your own realization the coolest breeze turns into so cold that you got make yourself warm by taking out the warm packed clothes from your very own closet.

Shiny November Sometimes

Sometimes there is no rain in November– No matter how desperate I am for the rain ~ I control myself. But suddenly the shiny flowers over my terrace lightened me up, brought a smile in my face and pushed my desperation at the end. Here are some clicks …

I shine bright with the sunlight

 

Soothes my eyes..

Whats amazing for me is how these bee suck the nectar from the flowers to produce honey? Are we humans doing the same thing? Why aren’t we able to produce honey? Why we fail most of the times in life? Are we not much hardworking like these bees?

You leave me like you never suck the nectar out of me

 

My generosity has its own limits –yet again I feel helpless at times..