……….Only lies

You predicted truth and made me liar. I accepted that. You were true everytime…and I was a liar..You were predictor and you were preacher…you were teacher….You were the one and I was the none. How had I lacked courage even to look at those eyes…Oh why I was a liar…and you were true. You were the Predictor…You were the predictor…You were the predictor…

You predicted the moves…It was you who predicted the truth and it became absolutely true and I became false…false to the exetent of being false..But “Reality can be more horrible than the fiction is ” this is what I believe..and it is true that reality is horrible.

“Truth not to be proved”…”Truth not to be proved…” After months and months of exhausation…months and months of pain…I am writing…I beg sorry “The creator”. I became false..but noone for her.. for her…edaz…edaz…Because you were scared of loosing her. Losing her…because you love her…. Wasn’t I scared to lose you predcitor… You predicted the moves and moments…You predicted the views and thoughts..and you..and you ran away…where I could never fetch you out..Could never prove that I was not a liar..

You predicted and paralyzed my thoughts…feeling of you..are frozen in the veins…veins…the veins where the blood flows…frozen in this heart..However…you paralyzed the thoughts..paralyzed the moves.. paralyzed the feelings..paralyzed my mind…my feelings…me…my dignity…

Absolutely nothing more than lies….Only lies…

Will she come ?- IV

Its already 10 minutes..why is she not here…I have my heart saying that she will be here..This three hours of wait have been tremendously hard for me. Waiting each second to pass, everytime my eye on this watch, because I want the time to pass fast. So, fast that it could be the time when she will come. She will come I know. Even if its hard to pass this moment, hard to breathe like this in her wait, in her wait. Everyone look so much happy, but here I am with this weary heart, desperate, damn too desperate to see her..to look at her..to find her here..

I know how much I was scared even to invite her here. If she had refused, I would never hav the chance to wait her. Waiting her is also a satisfaction. I know she will come. She will come.

……………………………….

Hello ! where are you ? I am at the gate..come fast…….

(Oh dear ! she is here…she is here…why am I biting my nails…oh this heart is beating faster…even more faster…shit..I must not run..people will know…hey I have not answered her..)

Hellllloooooooo !!!!!!

Yeah..hello…(hehe)..I am here…I am coming…u stay there..

She is finally here….

………………………………………….

She is looking beautiful as always..without wearing Kurti as she had desired..she is there in her formal dress…but she is as charming as she is…she here my heart is..here…today I will tell her…tell her what…that how much she kept me waiting..( is this what I want to say). Leave it.

She is here finally. My wait is over..She the one whom I have been waiting for a long time..She is the one..who is finally here..with her simplicity and all..She looks beautiful although she has not doen make ups as she had aspired. She came for me I know, because I have called her, she came here directly from her work. In this night..this night..when I am so despeerate as never before.

She is finally here. Here, my goodness, here…would I be able to tell her that ….( tell her what ?)  ………..

………………………………..

I have loved her unknowingly…since the day we talked…She was so friendly, child like…like a cute doll..I have always cherished the moment we had spend together..DAMN she calls me her friend…this sucks…I love her like nothing …love her more than anything but she..why she calls me friend…

Would I be able to tell her that how much I love her..would I be able to tell the world that this is the girl whom I have loved..this is she for whom my heart beats..my heart palpitates..every moment I think of her.

Here for three hours I was so uch desperate and waited her like nothing …I waited her because I love her…I waited her..becasue she is the one..she is the only one …whom I gave my heart…she is the one…who has my soul within her…

Will I be able to tell her this…….that how much I love her…

Will she come ?- III

“Come here and dance with us dada !! “, said my sister while I was in my deep imagination that she will be entering right from that door. I must control myself that time. Not to let anyone that she is the one that I have been waiting since hours…The only person that I wanted to be here.

Its long that I have been idle. Are people noticing my lonliness? Are they knowing that, how am I waiting her, here sitting in this chair, gazing continuously towards the door, hearing each footstep to find if its hers. Oh ! how much desperate I am..How much I am longing for her..How much I want her to be here.

Where is she? Why the hell she works this much that she doesn’t have time? However,  she can manage the time and that is the best. She is the best, she is my idol, my best friend, the one who knows me inside out but still keeps quiet. The one who gave me wings to fly high, the one who showed me the different way of living, the one who created love in my heart…who is the one…but does she feels the same?

Does people around here know that I am thinking about her continuously and continuously? Time poor time doesnot passes. Its not a minute..not a second..I have been looking at this watch,wiping my sweats..oh this handkerchief reminds me of her…while I used to give her favourite chocolate and she needed handkerchief to wipe her hands…oh dear..oh dear..why aren’t you here…

Oh ! She is calling…on phone…oh …damn ( the cells slips off )..F***, why now..why now while she is calling..

Dear God!!

Hello, Are you coming or not ?

Yes !

What??

Yes ! I am coming….You hear that I am coming.

Oh, Ok Ok ..please come fast..!! I am waiting!!

No No please come slowly..dont drive to fast…

Sure!!..will be there in 10 mins…

Bye..come to pick me up at door..

Sure !! Sure!! come

Yes..now 10 more minutes and she will coem here and thats sure..now I want to pass this 10 minutes…

Its not even a second yet…10 more minutes to go..10 more minutes..these 10 minutes are being unable to handle..what I don’t want to dance without her, don’t want to eat with out her, don’t want to talk and laugh…10 more minutes to go..and I will be able to see her here. Oh! how much excited I am that she will be here, after so long I have waited…full three hours..

It was easy to pass the past three hours  in her wait, in confusion that whether she will come or not? What she will be wearing…how she will look like..how I will show everyone that she is the one that I have been waiting since the party started. But But..these TEN MINUTES are being unable to handle..Its more than 15 times that I have looked my watch and just one minute has passed….Oh dear…10 minutes… how to pass…

If she change her mind…then…If anything happens on the way then.. why I am thinking this…nothing will happen..to her..she will come I know..I believe she will come. It will be an injustice god…It will be an injustice..If anything happens to her..if she won’t come…

Why she is not here….??

When will she come…?

Will she come after 10 minutes??

Will She come ? – II

Will She Come? –II

It’s already Five…People have stared coming here and soon the party palace will be full. But will my heart be able to resist that she is not here. She is not here damn…when will she come then. I am not being able to think the thing that she has not still arrived. I have not eaten anything but seems like I am not hungry…I am not feeling hungry but jus thing in my mind is she. Her presence will change everything…I might get hungry because I have been waiting her, to eat dinner with her. Will she be here?

How has she said that she will come with so much excitement..? Was saying I will wear this, I will wear that, but I will come!!! “I will come” she had said. I know hoe much beautiful she wants to look in the party but ends with wearing what ever she likes. This is she…who damn cares her dresses…her nails…her hair..does whatever she like…and I love this…attitude of her….that she is so natural and true to herself.

She had said she will come.That makes me believe that she will some. But why is she not here still. Everyone has arrived till now. Where has she gone? My good ness…why is she not here. I am not feeling like I want a drink…she will say, “You are smell bad dear”. I wonder how she will react when she will see me in this brand new suit, especially prepared for this particular day, for her too see me…for her to feel the emotion that I am feeling. But when will she arrive here…

See!! Sms..its hers…my goodness its hers…come on let me read what it says…”DAMN it says..she will not come…??? But Why…..But why…she will not come…Oh dear I am breaking down…had this sms come little earlier…I would not be here in the party.. dear O’ Dear….Why but why..Let me call her…let me call her……..

Hello, Please come dear…I am waiting here..
“I need to go to work”
“I haven’t wear nice dress”
That doesn’t matter, you I need you to come here…
I am waiting…Please come dear…Please
Ok, I will try but I am not sure.

Oh dear…let me sit in a chair..I am not being controlled….

Will She come ??
Will She come ??

Oh dear…everythings black…everythings dark…

Will she come??

Will she come??

Will She come? – I

Will She Come

I have been waiting for this day as never before. The suit lies there as it is that I prepared for this very day, because she will be coming today. But will she come today. Oh dear I need to inform her today only, what if she becomes angry then? Why she needs to be angry. I have already told I will invite her. Oh! I got her sms…she says “Why you have lied that you will invite me?” I said nothing…I replied nothing…It is because I’ll be inviting her giving her a big surprise. I want to see her there and show there that this is “She”……whom I ………

I have been waiting her as I have been waiting this day, waiting her to see here…gorgeous she is….gorgeous she will be in her Kajal…and simple lip gloss. “ Will she open her hair?” She will look more gorgeous. What will she wear…that will make her more beautiful…But that does not matter because I just want her presence here. Right here in front of everyone. “My Friend” …. I will show to every visitor that she is the one…But will she come? Damn..!!! Will she come?

Here with desperate heart…? Will she come tonight? Waiting her every moment with this hungry heart…and mind full of confusion waiting the each second to pass…watching each individual to find the glimpses of her…checking cell phone time, waiting for her message that “I am coming”..or her call ….everytime the cell rings…waiting her to find her here…to see her here…

But Will she come here tonight?

Drops that Fell

Finally rain touched my inner soul today. The coolness that I wanted to feel has touched the inner part of me…My heart beat fast and fast with the drops that were falling from sky and were wetting me while I was driving. That was gifted I think and is gifted because I LOVE RAIN…and I do love it ardently. The coolness creates a kind of passion in me which turns out to heat my body touching the innermost part of what I call soul is.

The touch of the rain drops like the touch of ………….. The one whom I gave my heart, the one who belongs to me…whose soul is overlapped in mines….”The Invisible”

Every time the sense of romantica, feeling of passion with bloods that flow through my veins strikes my heart to beat fast and fast. Lets me breathe the fresh air that rain brings with it but with the each breathe I breathe, the feeling haunts me because the fresh air is making my heart beat and making the soul alive which reminds me of the one closer so much closer to the soul.

It creates passion within me. Like today..while the rain fell while I was driving…I was enjoying the tiny water droplets that fell in my face, my hands and my clothes…The very moment I feel cold entering through my clothes..touching my body and likewise it was slowly slowly entering my soul…“soul” where there lies a passion, a feeling so sacred that is preserved for sure…for the one who is invisible to me. With whom I am totally unknown and with whom I am totally known. Whose presence aware me and whose presence let me forget. This happens occasionally that I encounter with that part of “soul” my soul, I encounter with myself…Where the invisible lies…

“The invisible” that’s me !!!. True part whom I know and whom I don’t know.

Thus, the rain reminds me of that “self” who is awakened only with the freshness and coolness that touches my soul, and makes it fresh. As if I was sleeping and I have been just awakened with those little dew drops that slowly enter my soul every time it falls. Everytime with the same freshness and with the same vitality awakening the invisible in me!! That is guiding me and telling about me who I am after all, and what is that I aspire for and doing everything.

So, I am desperate for rain as always…it creates a passion in me and it energizes me everytime it wets earth…and likewise it wets my soul….

As I Like it…

Just hearing Palpasa Cafe ( Third Episode online from Aakar’s Blog ), a wonderful song by Ruby Joshi…( Ruby Joshi is he ….hehe didn’t knews this). After the weather changed yesterday…something “metabolism” ( if it is called this don’t know) inside me. Something strange is what I am feeling inside head…Is that summer is in? No No !! from yesterday, its not that easy to say that summer is in now…

Yesterday was too cold and romantic for me…feelings come and feelings go…as they are always coming and going…But what.. What are the feelings that were again revived with the amazing change in the weather…Always and Always missing the coffee Mocha at Java those cozy seats…ummm…

Just writing nothing more…what happened and what had happened… Weather!!…Oh Weather..bless me..with this flowing feelings in the vein…hot hot veins…

What again going to work!! Is there any place for feelings to feel…No No …No feelings at all…what feelings…nothing…I think the hangover is still not…gone..but it will soon….As I like it…..

Its upto me to feel and feel….just As I like it…..