Two days left for Teej to come. Tomorrow is “Dar Khane Din” meaning Dar eating day. But today I went for a long drive to my Dad’s Sisters House to give them Dar. My mom had been planning this since long and to send them Dar.  They will be obiviously happy because it is their brother n their parental home they miss a lot in Teej festival. So just not letting them to miss I had to go there and fulfill my paents void space.  I am feeling good to see those smiles at my Fupu’s ( I have two ). Their smile made my such a long drive worthful.

I hate to drive such a long road. They are quite far away from us.  But I loved to continue my culture and watch them smiling and their heart happy. So I am little bit exhausted from the long drive and came back to office and since here is no work to do for me I am busy typing these word. I had shouted at mom so much today but see I am feeling sorry for her. I didn’t want her to be tired so I went there. But I am extermely tired.

My Fupus were telling me dont be hungry at Teej. You should eat and so many long lecture ( No I didn’t listened and it was short perhaps ) But they were concerned when I had told them that I do not drink a single drop of water also. (LOL ) I love celebrating it come on its once a year and I enjoy being hungry likr that without drinking a drop of water full in red appartion. My mom’s red jingling bangles plus some jewellies (but they make me allergic). But I enjoy trying to look beautiful among the mass.

So, Teej is finally here. Today too I look like I have been waiting for Teej. These Red jingling bangles of my mom, This pearl necklace I am wearing plus a simple earring and my ring on my finger. Also this extremely embroided Top.( But sad it is Black ) I wished it were Red. ( Hahah Perhaps I wish that I do not look like a married women ) I want to look what I am and what is the reality that I am unmarried and I am celebrating Teej and giving continuity to my culture.

I am going to enjoy this festival.  I am desperately waiting for tommorrow to eat Dar my grand mom cooks.


Teej is the festival which my mom cherish a lot. She loves to be in red appartion and everything she uses must be red. Even the rubber band she needs red. Red symbolises my father’s biological existence and my mom does that and keep that with her extermely respectful heart and soul. Red is the thing she loves a lot. Seeing that I too give that respect to the colour red a lot.

Red symbolises victory , power and blood. The true colour of life nothing can compete with the colour red. However I rarely use the colour red and there is only one red kurta in my wardobe. But I love to see my mother wearing red red things.

Finally this years Teej is in and we can see a flocks of women on the road wearing this red dress and red bangles and red everything. I feel an utter happiness when I see these womens and girls celebrating Teej then I feel really good because it is the part of our long culture. Perhaps the girls are going to find out their Prince Charming. But I love their attitude towards continuation of their culture. I do that for sure and for obvious reasons. I love to continue what my mom does but a big NO to finding out my Prince Charming. ( I am reluctant to this part of culture )

Teej, particularly know as festival of women is considered as the biggest festival and biggest day for women. ( For satarizing purpose it is often regarded as the Freedom day for women ). Women go to their parents home for eating Dar, Dar is a food that is eaten before the Teej day. Particularly Dar is not any kind of dish but it is preparing different kinds of tasty meals and eat it till the midnight so that women do not go hungry on their fast the following day. Hmmm…The following day they even do not drink a drop of water ( I do this not drinking a single drop of water)

So, I was writing about the Teej’s enthusiasm in women and how do they cherish this day being so much euphoric. The married one do it for their hubbies long life and the young girl like me do it to find their Prince Charming, Mr. Right and perhaps the Shiva. ( As Parvati, Lord Shiva’s wife had done this fast and got her Lord Shiva ). Perhaps the girls search for their Shiva. ( I feel seriously laughing because when you take it from the feministic point of view then I become reluctant. I do not want to live under the whims of my Prince Charming )

When we look at the other side of the Teej how could we miss those innocent womens who have lost their husbands and living a life of widow. They even took fast but they rarely wear the RED. Red is totally forbidden to them. If they wear red it will be a sin. Why the colour red becomes curse for these womens. Their trembling heart when ever they see the other women in their attractive RED appartion. They lose the right to wear red since the death of their husband. It is the most painful when women’s Red bangles, Red sari, Red Pote ( the wedding band women wear around their neck) and Red Sindoor ( Vermillion powder which they put on the forehead) is mercylessly taken away and burned with the body of the husband. This is perhaps the snatching of the most beautiful right a women preserves.

I hate this brutality of culture. I seriously hate it. This is cultural mystrey why after a women can not wear Red after their husbands death. I am going to encourage those all ladies to come forward and wear the red appartion as a celebration of their Teej. I want to encourage those women to enjoy their liberty and then to come forward and be in red.

P.S. I have been desperately waiting for the day to come and I am really going to enjoy the day.

We do not even take care of those fateless women a

Escaping Death

27th  March 2008




Yes this is true that i escaped death yesterday and what I am feeling right now is I am so scared and feared that I can’t say anything and I am speechless that I cant speak….Nothing happened to me everybody told I was about to die the road runners saw that I was about to die but I have not realized the accident was so but the people told me that I thought you were dead…..

I forgot everything and there was one thing on my mind that I remember is that I suffered a severe accident I remember till that vehicle hit me and I fell down. Somebody came and pick me up I was speechless and I didn’t knew something had happened to severely,,,

Sometimes death tries to catch you but you need to escape ….
I escaped death today…………………

P.S. I have written this earlier but posted it today under my scooty diary …Perhaps this is the most hilarious experience I have had…but still I love driving

Frankenstein Review

Shishir Sir told the story of “Frankenstein” our course Novel… I thought it to be a simple gothic novel or as I had read earlier the first Science Fiction Novel. I thought it would not be boring as “Robinson Crusoe” Nah!! it was not boring but I know Shishir Sir had made it boring I lost interest reading either its important for exam hehehe… But today it was different Sir told this for second time as i and some of my friends were absent yesterday. I thought it would be a simple ghostly story or gothic as sir hjad told while giving us the background but it was superb and wonderful either.

Till the end of the story Jyoti my classmate was in tears but thank god I wasn’t but there were so many internal conflicts inside me hearing the story of the novel or say PLOT as sir told the plot of Novel.The creature longing for love and happiness became so lovable..I or say we all the students totally sympathize for the monster like creature for its longing for love and happiness its identity and its social status in the society. I get attached with the monster however horrrible Shelly has tried to make it but it was who I felt piety in my heart and that was true because I loved the monster for its situation so bad. For it had feelings that colud be made it happy and sociable. Can I say it was Like me ….I controlled myself I am not a monster and for god’s sake I am not horrible….that was difference between me and the monster. But the feelings I must say were almost same.

By the end of sir’s lecture we all were spellbound and for the first time we didn’t shout and talk or else crack jokes about everything and anything.  (I must say the normal daily classroom activities..) After so much laughter before the period we all were definately in a jolly mood and after Shishir Sir’s lecture on Frankenstein made us contemplate and I must say Jyoti’s tears were real….so much real. I could have cried but the conflict that the plot aroused inside me was stopping.

The monster wanted to have feelings, share feelings and be happy but this society restricted it and it is society who made it Monster…I am hopeless that whether this society will make me Monster either as it made that creature.

I must say an wonderful piece of art…and I am going to read it for sure …

P.S. I am contemplating and I am feeling spellbound.

Karnali Parody at Gurukul….

23 Aug 2008, Saturday

As I read in the newspaper about the new drama that will be shown at Gurukul, I have already made uo my mind to go there. Yes, I always love drama and I love to watch them being very much enthusiastic. I love the place so much and I have a stong attachment to the place. I hate to go to Movie Theatre and I have gone only twice in a life time….one at Guna Cinema with big sisters to watch a stupid movie called Tarkeeb and second near my house at Metro Hall…with my friend and free of cost….I really do not have good hall experience but Gurukul.

To read about gurukul was always fun…and I regret why after all why I had not gone to watch Mahan Shilpee…which one of my friends had organised. I had thought a time  would come and I will go there and I had told her the same. Then I went to Gurukul to watch a play called “A doll’s House” with dad and I was full of tears that time. Perhaps my dad did not noticed that. Then I went to watch few more plays ( I would be writing about them in the blog soon ) and now I have courage to go and watch play with out any fear. Perhaps I am not fearing the dark now. hahah…

So I was telling about the play I watched yesterday ….called Karnali Dakkhin bagdo cha ( Karnali moving Southward ) and I was left with full of tears and my heart full of love towards the people of karnali.

The play was awesome…I was so deep into it and I perhaps escaped too. Like a drunkard escpaes in his drink….I escape when I watch any drama there at Gurukul. The place has been my choice of escape I chose…I just forget everything…my responsibilities and my pains and my world which I live. I get intoxicated at the time when I watch drama….Oh…I love it so much…and I love my escpae from the world so much…:)

The play was hard to understand alhough it was in Nepali…the old form of the nepali language but I did not understood most of the things but the feeling in my heart made me understand it so deeply that the play touched my heart so much and enlightend my emotions as no other play I have watched at Gurukul..The dances, the folk songs and those activities of the people was just looking so much true and the acting was superb.

So, I got to know about the parody of the Karnali people, no no they too are Nepali citizens and but so much excluded from everything …perhaps.. How could I ever imagine a life without electricity, food, education, road, child marriage ,unemployment and other many problems the people are living in the midst of the anarchaism and hypocrisy. I was amazed because the drama was too realistic to make me believe that people are living in such a condition in  Karnali and see me like them I am too a neplai citizen but how free I am and perhaps I must say how lucky I am to be borned at kathmandu in a prosperous famil. I am living a life of a princess perhaps by seeing such a condition of my own nepali fellows my heart melted…..

They are too simple and such a fateless and hapless people. Come on they are our own fellow being and see what are the differences between they and us. Perhaps in the name of civilization we have come too far leaving behind those of our own fellow beings. Theis cries made me cry so many times in the play and to be sure I have been highly influenced by the drama. 

I told my mom, waking at four in the mornig that I want to do something by donating some amount of money from my salary but she was so reluctant and told me first you earn more !!! see parody I am too living in this situation but come on mom see I am living like a princess and my fellow Nepali poor girls and guys…oh!! my hearts melting ….

If I could do something I would love to do ….the parody of Karnali made me so thoughtful…

P.S. I am going to see it again…

2008-08-08 ( Yes! The Olympic Day )

Posted on August 9, 2008 by enigmaticsweta

I had know a year before that Olympic will be organised in Beijing, China….Our Chinese teacher had given us to translate the thing about Olympics on our final exam….But yesterday 2008-08-08, I forgot that it was Olympic day….till dad came home and told to watch Olympic….I have been a huge admirer of Chinese culture and those wonderful chinese clads…especially of female…the hair style…and the love for language which I had been learning….Chinese was hard indeed really tough . Those strokes, those eye paining character, those tones of chinese language, those hard but laughter producing and of course our NEPALI tone and Dialect when we spoke Chinese and equally the misunderstanding between we and our Chinese Mam….Wang Yen Feng.Wang Lao Shi ( meaning madam Wang ) was a perfect teacher…..even she learned Nepali language..those six months with her was awesome. She was such an wonderful human being. I had hardly left any Chinese classes of her that gave me the title of her best student…or my enthusiasm of learning Language ….scoring second highest marks and being the youngest student. ( I was 16 then…just passed SLC )To watch Olympic yesterday reminded me my chinese classes….and those wortds of Wang Lao Shi..as she had described it was more nicer than that…I was quite familiar with the chinese cultures that made my separate views towards the opening ceremony…It was unbelievable that it was the humans who were performing….They were performing magic I thought….I loved the dressess of chinese girls screaming and dancing….those enthusiasm of chinese people their unity power made me to think about them for a long time….Equally the participation to make the game from childrens to teenagers to young men and women….They are united and I thought of our nation’s internal conflicts between Madhesis and us I must say… We even don’t have unity among us we the family, among friends and WE…Just the olympics reminded me so many things…the power of Unity indeed…

P.S. I really enjoyed yesterday watching Olympic…..the grand ceremony…reminded me of my old Chinese clasess..i am going to chinese 5th semester from monday

I became so wild

I became wild so wild…
Leaving my golden days behind

The time couldn’t be still

So it leaved memories for me

Time is so powerful

It made my life fearful

Even though I got stream of knowledge

Today I feel I am on a dreadful bondage

When I think of my past

I think time was too fast

The days, months, years passed

Leaving only memories that last

I was a blossom and then only

My life was started…..

Time ripe me saying it’s hurry

It made me fall so severely

For me there was no way to achieve

My destiny and dreams of my world

For, I didn’t got any chance to prove

That nothing is impossible in the world

There are so many truths

& so many lie too

Can you all solve the mystery?

Why one born and another dies?

I’m in a great melancholy

For this “time” I’m alone

For I’m changed to the extent

& for becoming too wild

Yes, today I’m too wild

For time forbids me to be again child

For being at those moments

Of all I cherish the childish experiences

With glimpses of my memories

All of those I cherish

Are with me on my mind

But why? Time is decreasing my memory

Time says “it’s forcing me to be big &good

But I’m forcing time to bring back my childhood

Is it possible to be big & good?

Without a perfect basement of childhood

So, time please bring back my childhood

And I will surely be big & good

For I will run with you time

To be surely wise &true

For I didn’t utilized time wisely

It changed me drastically

It transfigured me from child

To become today wild so wild



Superior to Divine

We were mocked and we always remained silent,

No hopes to live and we were in vain,

A silence that arouse within us had made us disabled

Still we aspired and never lose faith in god,

We were in vain and disparity

I asked my mom a “five rupee note”

For buying a pencil for my “homework”

We searched it throughout our home

Couldn’t find it all around I became desperate.

My mom shouted at me and I could not stop my silent tears.

She said to be strong girl our angel gonna come.

I could not trust her words it was fantasy indeed I thought

The days passed in disparity and vanity

Frustrated me and isolated “my family”

I feared whether I would die in this disparity

The pains and shouts the agonies were unheard

We were voiceless and strength less.

Still my mom aspired and dreamt of Angel

We fought on this matter a lot

Some years later my mom became true

I could not believe that we found our angel and that’s you

An angel who dragged out us from the hell we were living

An angel who brunt all the pains away and light the flame of life.

An angel who ended all our misery, disparity and vanity,

An angel who revived us and made us alive to step a feet again,

An angel who taught us how to speak again and how to live again,

Yes you are an angel indeed superior to god

Yes you are an angel indeed superior to divine

We admire you as a life giver

Yes you are Superior to divine.

Superior to divine.

Quest of a dreaming Girl

Everyone plans for life and always dream something. Most of the people are really busy planning the things that they will do tomorrow. Their dream or dreams are based on how they can improve their lifestyles and how they can make their living more beautiful than now more prosperous than now and make their living wonderful. They are all idiosyncratic and think about the things to be done for themselves and for their family members but others. They don’t have any time to think about others and just think and plan for themselves only. Never got a chance to think for other than home, family and relatives. I am asking WHY??? ….Why is this so because this is the way you live and is this the way prescribed for you? Is this how you live by?? The answer would be yes….because this is your life and you want it to be more and more beautiful than others…..Am I wrong?? But I don’t to be included in your entire category. But I sometime feel that I too have fallen in your category. That time my heart aches and I feel a deep pain how could I be so much idiosyncratic and how could I be rated in your category. So I would like to have a change within myself because I don’t like to be idiosyncratic and self-centered. So I implanted a quest within myself. A quest that is my personal view that came in my mind while I was traveling through the road. Just a quest that changed my views and thinking. A quest that makes me happy that I am not like those sick idiosyncratic. This quest lifted my spirit up and made me too feel better. That day as usual I was traveling sitting at my dad’s bike through the same road and through the same place. There was a huge traffic jam as it used to be always and the place smelled so bad and the place was little far away from Kalimati and that Bishnumati River smelling so horrible….Everyone was closing their nose. Not looking at the river too. I traveled through the bridge everyday but that day only I realized that we travel the road everyday but we never think to kill the smell and thought of cleaning the river. The river is in completely miserable and is completely horrible too. No one is responsible for it but we are. We are responsible for the condition of the river so bad. I realized and I just planted the quest in me that I dream of seeing the river fresh as ever and seeing the river flowing with the water so fresh and I dream for the river to be the most popular hangouts were people could make their morning and evening walks…or just go around that will give a immense pleasure. I dreamt me enjoying with the flow of the river and I dreamt that someday I will go there to enjoy a day that will give me inner pleasure and emotional escape. After all where could I search for the happiness…..I will surely find that in my dream and my quest. This is the quest of dreaming girl l. A simple dreaming girl dreaming for the surrounding. Yes, I too have dreams for my family and for myself. But my dreams are not limited in my circles because they are for all. This is the quest of a dreaming girl……..



Moments That Went by

Time is the most powerful weapon that nature preserves, a year divided into 12 months, 12 months into 365 days, 365 days into 52 weeks, each week containing 7 days and each day 24 hours, each hour divided into minutes, minutes into seconds and seconds into the thing most precious moments. Life is based on each moment we lived and the greatest experiences we gain through living each moment. Moments we just live becomes a sweet reminiscence or becomes a mere experience. Here is my mere experience when I realized the importance of a single moment that went by…that day a period was off in our college. I and my friends were cracking some silly jokes. One of my friends had brought her rupees 200‘s swimsuit, as summer was in we all were planning to go for swim this year and buy a swimsuit each. Then we had asked her to bring her swimsuit and that day she brought it. We were making fun of it. There were no one in the class instead we seven. We took her swim suit out and she was teaching the way how one can wear it just to create a funny environment. Then stretched then we seven stretched the swimsuit and every one bumped except one of my friend who was busy with her new cell-phone. I didn’t know what she was doing as I too was busy stretching the swimsuit to look once. It was too beautiful and my friend would look really sweet in that. Then we again cracked some silly jokes relating the swimsuit and mocking my friend and laughing a lot. This day our laughter was a little more as we girls were acting savage and laughing a lot. Then the teacher in next class came and asked us to be silent. How could we act so abnormal that day as we all were injected with laughter and amusements? Just acting normal we acted to obey teacher’s command. Then my friend who owned the swimsuit happened to wear it upon the college dress, saying that she was teaching us how to wear it. Then she jumped from a bench to other pretending she was swimming and we all were busy laughing at the silly activity done by her. There was knock on the door as we had closed it. My friend hurriedly opened the swimsuit and then made a roll and kept in her bag. Thank-god there was other girls of our class and they told the period was off and the teacher is coming. Then we became silent. Till the teacher had arrived we were normal and we were really silent and we forgot all the things we did. We listened to teacher silently and no one talked a single word. Then as usual after the last period was over we went to our home. Tomorrow as we all came to the college we were recalling what we did the previous day then my friend who was busy with her cell yesterday asked us to see a thing in her cell once only. We agreed and then saw the new video she has captured and it was none other than all the activities we did yesterday. All those laughter, all those mirth and all those smiles were recorded by my friend who was busy with her cell phone that day. We were all happy as she did a nice job to make us happier than yesterday. And as usual we laughed a lot in front of our other surprised and angry colleagues. I realized the importance of the moments we live by and the moments that went by. Actually moments are really precious The moment we lived today becomes the most precious things in our life. The moments that always provide bliss and always gives the warmth of contentment. Days easily pass but preserves the moment that we live by. This is the greatest thing that time provides us. Time is running incessantly, never waiting for anyone, transfiguring everyone, everything but the giving the greatest present to live by and that’s the memories of the moments that we had been through. Moments are just moments after all and it will be moments only afterwards but while coming across all those thousands of moment a moment will come that will ever touch our heart and give the ecstasy of happiness that is more than when we had experienced it previously and when we remember it afterwards.