How much do I fear of being Raped?

I had been avoiding this news of an Indian girl being raped –and now she is dead. It was hard but I was avoiding this because I could not even read the pain that girl went through– the word is so terrifying “Gang Rape”!! The word itself gives me goosebumps. But I could not avoid it too–when I read the news– I was like totally devastated, depressed, sad, angry, frustrated, I was trembling and was feeling horribly helpless. How much brutal can a human be? Can they ever realize what they did with that innocent girl? So many thoughts have been hovering in my mind. The dichotomy between Good and Evil, the process of being Evil and the choice of being Evil..

And, now I hear the news of 6 year old being raped? How insane I feel?

While hundreds of thousands of people throng to street in India because they could relate to the same feeling, they felt same pain, the same fear of being raped. Why do our parents always say come home on time, you are a daughter, you should be home on time, you should not go alone out at night? Yes, they fear it too. They fear that their daughters will suffer similar kind of tragedy in life. There is a proverb which my sister repeats time and again — “Din affno, Rat arkako”– (Day is ours and nights are of others). And, I have been a journalist for past four and half years..working during odd hours and especially doing the night duty and returning home late. Didn’t I fear the silent cold road and only few vehicles plying?…Does my working place care that I am scared of driving after 8 PM?? Yet I always drove back home –being scared ! My sister fears even if I am late by 5 minutes…But why? Whats the matter that scares me and her? The thing I don’t want even to think about it or feel it — it is not being robbed –it is being RAPED!!!

Bus-sy Journey

A Bus-sy Journey…( Balkhu to Dakshinkali )

Tiresome it was. It was wonderful but really really tired due to the journey done in the bus for more than two hours. The biggest bus I have ever ride. The seats I was imaginging to be cozy but it was so uncomfortable. The bus fare so high. I was amazed but I need to pay it , mandatory (because me and mom can’t shout like the other woman did saying she will kick his ass…lol )

Me and mom and other two people in the bus and the bus so much scary and more scary was the road so much small and the turnings much more scary than anything. I was thinking how would I have drove in this road. ( It was challenge to me that after driving for more than two years in the Kathmandu road having accident for two times, I was thinking of driving in the road all the way to Dakshinkali)

Hopefully the challenge was withdrawan while all the plans were set up for driving because I dared walking rather than driving. Driving I do that every day actually the challenge was to walk and ride the bus that I had left for a long time period. So, I chosed walking and riding bus. ( heheheheheh …)

The journey began early morning and I was feeling tired walking.

We were supposed to find out some taxi that should have taken us but the taxi -driver showed the way to bus stand that’s why a bus as if it were a big house was there and it was a different experience to ride such a big bus and such an uncomfortable.

The scenes I was peeping through the window so that I could enjoy looking those beautiful scenes and it was wonderful to look at the foggy nature nothing could be seen other than the fog. ( But truly fog was also very very natural something I haven’t experienced that is why I was feeling wonderful )

I was thinking about Poo, my friend and her blog where she had described very beautifully the majestic scenes and sceneraies that had made her feel charismatic and I was trying to feel the same. But where was the feeling in me. There was no feeling at all and thats why howvever hard I tried to feel I could not feel anything other than the pain due to the uncomfortable seats.

No Queue ( I was thinking , am I dreaming )

The temple area so much clean and beautiful goddess there whom in muy 2 decades life have never seen. It is not that I was in Dakshinkali for the first time but I have visited it many a times but it is the first time that I had glimpses of lord Kali- Dakshinkali. I was thinking of Sheeba Shivangani Shah’s book Beyond the Illusions where she had potrayed Lord Kali so much majestically. I was trying to remember  her words and feel , feel eternal Kali residing within me.

Yes, she resides here inside me. What was the reason then for the long journey few hours back ?? I don’t know why I was so eager to visit the temple. I got what I felt and I am feeling the immense power the Kali, Lord Kali has. The power that she keeps lord Shiva under her feet, the power that she has to rule the world, the power of love she does and she gives to us. The power of Kali ..Ma Kali..Dakshinkali.  Her face so black as the name suggests , the teeth of her and sharp and feeling that she is showing how much powerful she is and she preserves.

So, back after visiting the mother too of DakshinKali…and it was immense pleasure too.

I was insisting mom continuously that I want to eat and we ate stale food so costy. But I felt good to eat …aalu, chana, malpa, chiya , pakauda……( kasto basi….mom was saying ).

Then again the same big house sized bus moving. The same uncomfortable seats and people …Oh god so many people there and it was fun to talk with mom about so many things and things we were looking through window..and we relalized that mom’s purse is lost. We searched and searched but it was nowhere.

So, I am feeling really realy tired even typing these words and listening Aerosmith after a long time. The legs are paining too.

P.S.  A Bus-sy Journey…..wonderful..

In the name of Protest

Just fired at Nepal Telecom today I am because they had cut our ADSL, so I was not able to use net today either how I hard I had tried. I could have gone to my day office but I couldnot because there were fires on the road. There were burning tyres…I wonder how could that be. We need to head toward our destinations…We need to work. In the name of prostest we suffer, who do not even know why they are protesting afterall ? Is not there need of the systematic way of protest. I remember Gandhi Ji…I don’t know why ??

I was not scared for the first time. I didn’t feared to drive on the road where the fire was burning. It was at Teku, as I was heading towards office. I wanted to go to office , Suprised?? Yes there are some reasons. So, I dared because I am a media worker today. So, I was not fearing the riots in the street. There were so many two wheelers. Lastly I gave up. I wanted to the other way , that will take me to Thapathali directly , I met a friend there, not a friend actually but I know the person, he suggested me to go home because the road was too disturbed. So, I changed my mind not to go to office today.

Roads!!!!! is that only the place to protest, the condition of the road was too pathetic. There were people like me who need to go to work or other things and there were people on the road who want us to stop. I hate this violence. They are throwing stones, beating eachother, burning tyres and protesting. I don’t know why people do this they destroy so many things. The road today was looking like a maze because I found myself driving like it were a maze. There were so many burning tyres through which I needed to pass and moreover the road seperators ( I don’t know what that is called either in english or in Nepali, I am saying the blocks that seperate the two side roads ). Those were all fallen some were even broken. That was making it a maze.

Yesterday I too made the news for the same protest. I know I need to go to my evening office now after an hour. I need to go there I hope the road condition is not as before. I will be going through the other road. I need to work, I need to write news about the protest.

I am furiuos today at those protestors , Why there is no other option than road ??Why they stop us ??Why we can’t go to work and sit at home being idle. I didn’t had anything to do today but watch TV. Thanks to inverter at home. There was no electricity but I was able to watch TV. I hadn’t watched it for months….and after line came…this ADSL didn’t work…but thank god it is working now…because Dad just paid money there. hahah LOL

P.S. All days are not same…Perhaps we can do something for making our day. I srtongly recommend the protestors to find other place than road to protest. Don’t halt our daily routine. Don’t halt our lives…Please don’t its a humble request.

Updated-: I am back to home after my Radio Nepal Job , and I am still fired at those protestores. They have made the road a hell…stones all over the road, the faint smell of burnt tyres and also the rainfall had made it too pathetic to believe. I am the eyewitness believe me I have travelled the road which looked red due to stones. The condition was even more pathetic when I reached near Bishnumati bridge. Those people have thrown the garbages all over the road. I needed to travel passing the garbages and damn!1 it was smelling so bad. Why the hell they did so ? Why there was the need to throw the garbage over there on the road …do they not have to walk on the same road.

At my office too one dai as we were watching the riots in Kantipur Television he gave his views, this all happened due to unemployment. Yes, he is true either. But do not people have common sense that other are also there and they are not the only one.

I don’t know whether the protest is finished or not. But I am sure I will be fired if I wont go to office tomorrow.

Sano Sansar – Housefull !!!

Yes the wait was over today. After all I was planning for a movie, that also a Nepali movie “Sanso Sansar” directed by my very favourite person Alok Nembang. I had watched his Century Top Ten and I used to like him as a child , should I say my childhood crush, that would be too weird. As I grew up I didn’t found Alok Nembang anywhere but I guess he had acted in “Numafung” I may be wrong. But the name was in my mind and when I knew he is making Sano Sansar then I was more than happy. I had really waited for Sano Sansar, as I had waited for Kaagbeni. Kaagbeni yes couldnot meet my expectation but it is a wonderful movie that’s for sure.

I could have watched Rock On!! ( another Hindhi movie ) which is saved in this computer but I want to write so I am writing here for Sano Sansar.

I had gone to a movie theatre only twice one I saw the movie called “Tarkeeb” of Nana Patekar with sisters at Guna Cinema, when I was in grade 8 ( I remember that I had exam after a week that time ) and then I had watched “Dhai Akshar Prem Ki” with my friend Ankita FOC ( hahah Free Of Cost ) nearby my home at Metro Hall ( Owned by my father’s friend ). As for Dramas I have been to Gurukul many a times.

I got a call from Sunu to book tickets at Jai Nepal ( ooooo!!! Jai Nepal ) for four of us on Thursday. I was happy after all I was breaking record by going to a movie theatre. But to my dismay, I forgot to call the Hall as she had told me to book tickets and poor she called me at 6 and says furiously that she has changed plan for Saturday ( today). I tried to call but the 50%  discount show was House full. Then What say!!

I told Jun hall gaye ni bhai halyo ni ta ( We can go to any hall) and she told YAAK !!! Chiii…and then I suggested that if we could go to “Garden Of Dreams” and I told her too but my HiFi friend told its sooooo sunnyyyy…aba K garne ( what to do now ) , We needed to cancel the plan. There is no heartbreaks because we rarely fulfill our promises and may be I have no intrest in hanging out with them. ( I am missing Sanju ..how we used to hangout nearby Kritipur at TU, eating the pani puris in discount…screaming..shouting…calling many people from our CEll and it was real fun…I really miss those days).

So, I planned nothing for this Saturday, I am not washing scooty because I had given it for servicing and it is shining so much. Then as there were so many shouts and I wanted to go away and I wanted to escape. I called Seema, my friend and ask her that Sano Sansar herna jane ( Lets go to watch Sano Sansar). She agreed and we agreed to go to Guna Cinema Hall, where my brother usually goes on Saturdays. But today he was not going and also was telling don’t go there go to Jai Nepal. Hyaa I told jaha here ni Flim herne ta ho ni ( Where ever we go we will watch the movie only ).

Dismay, Scooty was not getting start, but I managed after all I had really wanted a escape. Then I picked up Seema from Balkhu, we went to Mahalakshmisthan then after Bhairavthan and my Mamaghar ate naspati,kakro and anar and we headed towards Garwko, Guna Cinema Hall.

It was hard to park. I managed and What we needed topay first and I did that. Then Took out money and went to the counter. I saw the notice “Teen ko show Sano Sansar Housefull” ( Three’s show of Sano Sansar is Housefull ). I tried to ask by paying more and what could I do by saying “Rock On” herna hunthiyo bhai le computer ma save garera rakheko cha ( We could watch Rock On but it is already saved in my computer by brother ) , and Seema too had already watched the movie twice. 

What we could do other than headed off from there frowning? Where we could go now ? We laughed at our helplessness. I was laughing even more because I could not watch the movie after so hardship…of course Petrol !!!!!

Poor Sweta could not watch the movie. So no movie review today. I have promised myself the ticket of Jai Nepal ofcourse Saturday’s.

P.S. Hahahahahahahahah really funny…..housefull…