How much do I fear of being Raped?

I had been avoiding this news of an Indian girl being raped –and now she is dead. It was hard but I was avoiding this because I could not even read the pain that girl went through– the word is so terrifying “Gang Rape”!! The word itself gives me goosebumps. But I could not avoid it too–when I read the news– I was like totally devastated, depressed, sad, angry, frustrated, I was trembling and was feeling horribly helpless. How much brutal can a human be? Can they ever realize what they did with that innocent girl? So many thoughts have been hovering in my mind. The dichotomy between Good and Evil, the process of being Evil and the choice of being Evil..

And, now I hear the news of 6 year old being raped? How insane I feel?

While hundreds of thousands of people throng to street in India because they could relate to the same feeling, they felt same pain, the same fear of being raped. Why do our parents always say come home on time, you are a daughter, you should be home on time, you should not go alone out at night? Yes, they fear it too. They fear that their daughters will suffer similar kind of tragedy in life. There is a proverb which my sister repeats time and again — “Din affno, Rat arkako”– (Day is ours and nights are of others). And, I have been a journalist for past four and half years..working during odd hours and especially doing the night duty and returning home late. Didn’t I fear the silent cold road and only few vehicles plying?…Does my working place care that I am scared of driving after 8 PM?? Yet I always drove back home –being scared ! My sister fears even if I am late by 5 minutes…But why? Whats the matter that scares me and her? The thing I don’t want even to think about it or feel it — it is not being robbed –it is being RAPED!!!

Yes, I fear being raped because there is no security for me. Yes, I fear being raped because I am a woman. Yes, I fear being raped because my fellow females are being many of them! Yes, I fear being raped because of the pain and shame it brings. Yes, my parents fear me being raped because of the insecurity. Yes, because I am a girl. Yes because I have been forced to feel that I am a girl and I am forced to feel that I am weak, I am forced to understand that I can do nothing to protect myself. Yes, I fear being raped because I have been taught to fear not to “not fear”. I have been taught. I have been taught to feel helpless. And why would I be taught ?? The country where I live in doesn’t even care, can never commit for my security, can never give justice to the fellow rape victims..but rape them more with injustice, scare them more and be successful in implanting this fear for me and me like hundreds of women for a long period of time.

But will I keep quiet? No, I shall fight all the fears…all the fears that is rooted inside me.. I can fight for Rape.. I can fight for Impunity..I can fight !


7 Responses

  1. we have been reading about females being offended in one way or other but it had only been some incidents that were just stacked in record books.Security of females have always been an issue that was ignored,suppressed or untouched.It’s good to see that we are all talking about these issues openly

  2. I agree with you at least we are talking about it. But it was so hard for me to pour out this frustration here. Security of female is never been thought necessary because there has been always one protector who is supposedly super being who protects us ! This thing disgusts me–I should be taught to protect myself and that is what I want to see other females doing !

  3. I have two sisters and I do really feel for them. I too feel scared when they don’t return in time. Sometimes, I get upset when one of my sisters argues that she can come home as late as I can. Though I am not opposite of that, the fear as you state makes us feel that she must return home earlier.

  4. Yes, Sumedh I too feel same as your sister at times but with these rapes happening around us…my fear has crossed its limit. We work with men, we walk with them, we talk, we live in the same world–and our biggest fear is them –this is so much not fair — this makes me sad very sad..

  5. a few months, I had this girlfriend who was very pretty and worked late, she had to walk through a dark galli to get home and I used to get worried about her every time.. I never said it out loud, but I was always afraid that she might get teased, or worse, assaulted

    like you said, it’s very sad and unfair that women (and the people who care about them) have to live with this fear and worry about it every time someone comes home late or doesn’t answer the phone immediately or there’s loadshedding and there are no lights in the galli or… 😦

  6. I can understand..but time has come to boost up power, talk about it directly and apply safety measures 🙂

  7. […] Originally published on Coffee House Revival […]

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