You are a daughter
Yes, I am.
You are a “daughter”
Yes, yes, of course I am.
Your breasts are growing
Oh! You just menstruated
Go and hibernate
Next time you menstruate
The stiletto was shaking – because the legs were trembling. It was my 8th glass already. I wanted more this day. I wanted to get drunk as a skunk. Eventually, I was getting drunk. The vision was getting blur and blur. The dark red wine was working. It was gradually intoxicating me, slowly and gradually. How did it work, so magically? I wanted to dance, laugh, and sway away all at once. Was it bringing my inner self outside and that also so publicly? It was magical. It was magical to feel nothing. In the blurry state, while vision was blurry, people were swaying. Stilettos were shaking. I was swaying here and there. I wanted to forget, forget everything, every emotion – be it happiness, sadness. So, it was working.
I am on my 10th glass now. And, I regarded it my last one. Suddenly, I find it is ugly to drink. It was tasty no more because something was happening inside, as if there was a hurricane in my stomach. From the food pipe something was coming upwards– Dang! — I was about to puke! Thankfully –I didn’t because I couldn’t. I couldn’t – Why? The reason I don’t know. I had to stop -drinking. But the previous glasses were working it was still magical because I was going deep. Searching myself somewhere inside. Was I meditating, while I was unable to think anything? Or was I searching and digging out some memories? There was some music and I was dancing. Dance makes me forget everything. Continue reading
You are utterly silent. You don’t speak up with anyone and act normal putting up the same smile that you have been doing for long and that you are habituated with. You bottle up yourself, you don’t share and you lock your feelings, sufferings inside the invisible bottle you have formed inside yourself. You had a bad dream and you live with the fear that if one day that dream will come true. You have been horrified by it. Yet, you don’t express your horror. But you control yourself. But you don’t speak out. How much speaking it out important? And how much it is necessary to control yourself and not speaking out? How long you bound yourself but not speaking and breaking the circle you are moving for so long and that you are already tired of? Yet, you don’t speak, do you?
All because of the ‘Fear’: Fear of situational changes, fear of behavioral changes, fear of pressure, fear of anxieties and most importantly fear of losing. How bad are we at losing? The fear of losing already gives us anxieties. What after when we lose in real? Is all the time winning the most important? Or it is just that you are tired of losing? Tired of losing all the very time and don’t want to lose anymore. Will not it be monotonous? At sometime will you not be tired of your own monotony? Continue reading