Constant Change

You are utterly silent. You don’t speak up with anyone and act normal putting up the same smile that you have been doing for long and that you are habituated with. You bottle up yourself, you don’t share and you lock your feelings, sufferings inside the invisible bottle you have formed inside yourself. You had a bad dream and you live with the fear that if one day that dream will come true. You have been horrified by it. Yet, you don’t express your horror. But you control yourself. But you don’t speak out. How much speaking it out important? And how much it is necessary to control yourself and not speaking out? How long you bound yourself but not speaking and breaking the circle you are moving for so long and that you are already tired of? Yet, you don’t speak, do you?

All because of the ‘Fear’: Fear of situational changes, fear of behavioral changes, fear of pressure, fear of anxieties and most importantly fear of losing. How bad are we at losing? The fear of losing already gives us anxieties. What after when we lose in real? Is all the time winning the most important? Or it is just that you are tired of losing? Tired of losing all the very time and don’t want to lose anymore. Will not it be monotonous? At sometime will you not be tired of your own monotony? The when you gather yourself tit by tit, bit by bit and then have courage to end the monotony- Don’t you still feel challenged? Don’t you still feel bounded? Yet, you challenge yourself, yet you force yourself to break the shackles because you want to end the monotony. At one time, you feel all powerful and then you don’t think of it any second — you show up the immense courage you have been gathering and it is the peak time. Then you break it all.

You break the silence. You speak out for yourself. You speak out to know let it be heard. Let it all be heard. The invisible bottle possesses no more space that you can still bottle up. The pus of your suffering starts pouring out all at once – creating a noise rushing out and you are at the verge of the most painful moment. It is painful, ain’t it? Yeah, it is damn painful. But once it is all out — don’t you feel relieved? Don’t you feel relieved afterwards? You feel relived. Relieved that you did justice to yourself. You spoke out for yourself — and you are ready to cure the inner wounds that you gave to yourself. You end the monotony, you end the anxieties and sufferings, and you open up for never closing down and bottling up yourself again.

Yet you are silent.

This is peace. This is the peace of blissful silence. You don’t find it necessary to fight back now, do you? Or are you horrified by the dream you just dreamed last night? Not at all. Nothing can scare you when you are empty- when you are in the state of Nada and you have been changed to a stoic. Don’t you love your stoicness as of now? Hadn’t you loved your utter silence, before? Then slowly and gradually, hadn’t you hated the still-ness of your own silence, all because it bothered you so much? When you at one moment felt wholly courageous, hadn’t you admired your own valor? Hadn’t you cherished yourself for dragging yourself out of the dead end? And now you are blissfully silent – don’t you just love it?

Changes — now and changes then —

Life moves on…on a constant change…. inevitable


4 Responses

  1. Is this your first non fiction article??.. and it’s awesome.

  2. Impressive…At some point while reading this piece, I felt as if this is my own monologue!
    ‘You bottle up yourself, you don’t share and you lock your feelings, sufferings inside the invisible bottle you have formed inside yourself’
    Like this one a lot 🙂
    Well done!!

  3. Thank you 🙂 I know you always love what ever crap I write … and I know why you felt it was ur own monologue 😉 my all research was done over you haha — kidding 🙂

  4. Well there is just a thin line that bars fiction and non-fiction…I believe fiction can be non-fiction and non-fiction can be fiction. All depends upon one’s perception how he/she view things…thinking them as true or false. But then, yes I am inspired from real life while I write 🙂 🙂 🙂 And this is not the first non-fiction I wrote.
    Thank you for calling it awesome. It inspires me to write more.

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