To, dear Sunkoshi ~ With Love

It feels like yesterday, I walked along your bank, walked inside you splashing you here and there as I liked, while you played with me too…with full of love. It was you Dear Sunkoshi, how loveable were you then, how beautiful and how sublime were you then. The precious feeling while I walked along your bank forced me to compose poetry full of love. It feels like yesterday while I strolling along your bank I weaved the story in my head. Do you know I was knitting the plot of my love while I fell for you, Oh Dear Sunkoshi !!!

While I landed back to Kathmandu, I saw you all over in paper, television, I read news about you. I was not in any mood to believe anything. To, believe anything that you are facing such a huge disaster in life will be nearly the death of me. Suddenly you are there Sunkoshi and suddenly you are not there. You have changed so much that I can hardly recognize you. Yet, I love you with equal amount of feelings, with that passion. But this time with full of pain and cries. Oh! Sunkoshi, how can one bear such a big disaster in life? How can the hills betray you and suicide over the cost of you and hundreds of life that you have been living with? How much painful it is for you to bear the death of hundreds of lives that you have nurtured for thousands of years? How are you bearing the devastation that you are facing right now? And how silent you are ? 

I know you have bear so much in life, seen so much of life ~ birth, growth and death of the people you lived with. You have been facing it all your life. Yet you flow all the time eternally continuing your life, moving on yourself, flowing towards the eternity. But hearsay, you have been obstructed, your movement curtailed and suddenly you are not flowing and you are stagnant now. How can I bear to see you stagnant in your life Sunkoshi? How can a flowing river be suddenly stopped and stuck and imprisoned?

Constant Change

You are utterly silent. You don’t speak up with anyone and act normal putting up the same smile that you have been doing for long and that you are habituated with. You bottle up yourself, you don’t share and you lock your feelings, sufferings inside the invisible bottle you have formed inside yourself. You had a bad dream and you live with the fear that if one day that dream will come true. You have been horrified by it. Yet, you don’t express your horror. But you control yourself. But you don’t speak out. How much speaking it out important? And how much it is necessary to control yourself and not speaking out? How long you bound yourself but not speaking and breaking the circle you are moving for so long and that you are already tired of? Yet, you don’t speak, do you?

All because of the ‘Fear’: Fear of situational changes, fear of behavioral changes, fear of pressure, fear of anxieties and most importantly fear of losing. How bad are we at losing? The fear of losing already gives us anxieties. What after when we lose in real? Is all the time winning the most important? Or it is just that you are tired of losing? Tired of losing all the very time and don’t want to lose anymore. Will not it be monotonous? At sometime will you not be tired of your own monotony?

Erstwhile Existence

When

Y———–O———–U

Suddenly decided

To disappear

From the dreams

We dreamed together

I accepted.

Hadn’t I

Silently accepted

Your sudden entrance

Into my dreams?

Without thinking a single time

Thinking twice

Was never a choice…

Was there an exit too?

This is Today

Y————-O———–U

Chose to cease your existence

Your own choice though

Treading over my silence

Indifferent to the pangs of pain

I suffered.

Your chosen disappearance

Has transgressed yourself

To live

Under the self-exile of your

Own hibernation

Your own hibernation

Not me..

Not me..