What a year 2022 was! I have lost the words to describe the intensity that this year presented to me. The last one like this was in 2012. I had survived 2012 (not alone) and I survived 2022 not alone either. I had chosen the word Hope for my year 2022 but I think at the end of this year, life has opened up all the possible pandora boxes and left me with only hope ~ hope that the next year will be less intense, less uncertain, less painful. Again, what a whirlwind 2022 was! Not everything was negative, there were some positives too! There was a bigger leap in life towards settling down with love and building our nest together for sunshine, rain, and snow in the heart of nature surrounded by ancient trees, deer, and lots of sunshine. Every morning I feel healed by the sunrise so beautiful that it nourishes my inner being. This has become an everyday routine ~ waiting for a sunrise that makes you forget everything. Every morning despite anything ~ the sun still rises~
Well, COVID finally hit me making it difficult to move physically and think of anything with a lot of brain fog and restlessness and tiredness. I am thankful for the vaccine and even though it did hit me pretty hard. I am not leaving my mask again! It was scary to have slept days and nights for so many days and lost the sense of taste and the brain fog that didn’t let me think or work and function well. Yet, I survived because I was lucky enough! It is very difficult to think and fathom that we have lost so many lives to COVID.
Who knew, 2022 will see a WAR! After the world survived a global pandemic, the world witnessed a WAR and nothing could be done to stop it – I can’t believe nearly a year after the Russia-Ukraine war is still ongoing – taking thousands of lives, displacing hundreds of thousands of people, and creating such an upheaval in the globe. Who would have thought that this was in planning and that in this era and time and moment where the world is already wounded, we will suffer due to the actions of fellow human beings? It was crazy to see air strikes, drones, bombed cities, and just seeing people being uprooted. Yet, people are surviving (those who can survive amid this crisis).
2022 was also a year of loss and grief. As we very much unwillingly and sadly with deep sorrow and pain bid goodbye to our beloved family member who was a matriarch and a pillar for so many of us. To experience loss, to see them lifeless, and to see them burn into ashes ~ I couldn’t believe that this pain this much, this hurt this much. The loss and grief of losing someone and yet to have to perform rituals that slowly try to heal amid the obligation, pain, and suffering. Nothing of this was imagined! But this showed how uncertain life is and how strong one has to be and go deep down to our internal resources to help us survive. And, yet we survived. We all needed to.
As life was challenged with so many uncertainties by 2022. I want the next year to be of strength. It would be nice to be able to get stronger to navigate the uncertainties in life. I know I should have called when I remembered them, I should have listened to their voice one more time, I should have told them that I loved them and thanked them for all they have done to me for helping me by giving me love, care, and affection. I know I should have taken them to do their favorite activity and should have invited them to the US which they wanted to visit so badly. should have…could have…now it is never going to happen like that.
I would like to honor them. Honor them for teaching me many life skills, teaching me to give, teaching me to have fun, teaching me self-care and beauty, teaching me skills that I needed to navigate, teaching me to laugh and sharing their jokes with me and sharing how they navigated the difficulties of patriarchal traditions. We will always love and remember you!
To strength
I am leaving a year of challenges behind. Last year, I wrote that I wanted to do more self-care in 2022 – I am not sure if I did that. But I hope I can do that in 2023 and also gain the strength to navigate whatever uncertainties that 2023 has to bring – good and bad.
12.31.2022. Blacksburg, VA
Filed under: Coffee House Journal | Tagged: 2023, New Year, Puerto Rico | Leave a comment »
The Coffee House Revival (Excavating Freedom) 