Inbox (16)

Dear Friend,

I thought of writing you a text, then I refrained. I thought of dialing your number but stopped myself halfway through. Then, I thought of writing you an email~but couldn’t type anything. I have stopped writing. I have stopped. I don’t know. These new shoes I am wearing right now are giving me blisters. It pains. Yet, there is no option- than to walk. Yes, with the shoes. I know by this time your forehead would wrinkle and in your eyes my suffering will twinkle. I know we communicate. But in silences. In grief. In pain. In ego. In our heads.

I remember the distance that grew gradually and it kept on moving down and hurting both you and me. In pain we remembered ourselves. In pain we thought about each other. I thought you should have been a healer~ like you were always! You didn’t try and I couldn’t dare. By the time, the pain we gave to each other had reached to the depth that nothing could ever fill it and nothing could ever cure it.  We lose many things in life. We lose love of our life. Yet, nothing pains more than the loss of friendship. “When you are an adult, you lose friends ~ that’s normal” – somebody had said. I wish we were never adults but remained the way we were – carefree- careless and caring. After a decade long friendship-what went wrong? Who was right and who was wrong? Who did a mistake? Who never dared to correct it? Both of us? You? Me? or Me? You? Who stopped us? Who is stopping me now? Who is stopping you now? I know my blisters will give you pain! I know you could help me to gulp the pain and smile to move ahead with pride. But, where are you?

But,

Then, our conversation never ended

Yes, it never ended

As, it had no begining

It was right there ~ always.

You know~ some conversations do not have an end

They continue

But with a flow ~ high and low

In silences.

In deep, dark silences.

With love,

s

 

 

Advertisements

Soul Search

Searching for myself within me , I am tired really…

Excavating the things, made me to suffer the pain really…

Soul searching and finding nothing in reality…..

Searching for those tender hands…to catch…

Searching for those warmth of the arms….

Searching for the enlightening words….

Searching for the soul…..searching for the soul…

Searching for myself somewhere there….Know this…

Trying to live…trying to breathe…trying to feel

Trying to stop the trembling heart…

Trying to search soul in this atmoshphere of remorse

Tired !!!! Yes I am…Hate this a lot…but love it too much

Tired!!! Yes I am trying to find myself…my entity somewhere…

Encountering the feelings of mine…

Battle within myself….yes the counter feelings…

Yes,!!! I am feeling…Yes!!! I am feeling…

Those palm….those arms…that warmth….

Search shall never end…Shall never end !!!!

Soul Search….search for you….DW