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To you,

Did Caterpillar ever know it will transgress into a Colorful Butterfly? When shall my caterpillar life end? When shall I be a fluttering colorful butterfly ? Or for me there is no any chance to be a butterfly? For how long will I be limited to this caterpillarness of mine? I am scared..I fear that I would be bound to live in this monotony. But I fear “change” as well. I fear change because I am habituated to this stagnant state of mine. Immovability or desired -wished or destined immovability? Confusion!

Back and forth, Back and Forth–Past and Present and Future -in which state– do I belong? I along with my lazy and hazy caterpillarness live inside this “Laxman Rekha” of the present. But am I bound by this Laxman Rekha line? Life will not be interesting– Wouldn’t the story of Ramayan be stagnant hadn’t Sita not defied the Laxman Rekha and went beyond? I transgress these boundaries, I go beyond this Laxman Rekha– I love my past and I go back time and again to live there although it revives the pain — I feel like a moment of catharsis– It was a awesome bliss and same bliss I get though it is full of pain — Bliss is Bliss — Either pain or happiness. The sublimity of that very moment will remain sublime forever. How strange it is? Those moment gave such an euphoric happiness in the past –today when I go back –same happiness gives piercing pain in peace.

You were there to listen me all the time (PAST) — I am writing this today (PRESENT) And this very moment I am imagining that you will be listening to me (FUTURE) — How much I feel like a Pendulum —  to and fro — to and fro.

I had limited myself, restricted myself, promised with myself but see I am writing yet again. I write for myself. I pour myself like a fluid when I write.I write. I write. I write. I write to forgive you–but will I ever forget you? I write to compile myself, my state, my position and my growing intensity and passion for you–yet again. Could I ever try to remove you from myself? How deeply I have kept you safe within me–inside the shell of myself making you the unreachable pearl–making you immortal…

Aren’t we burning like a matchstick? Once stroke over the stiff by taking it out from the womb of the matchbox –fire is ignited –and we “born” and we burn and we burn…and we keep on burning…till we turn ourselves into the ashes.. — But But do you know —I am a Phoenix today – I burn with pain only to regenerate myself from my own ashes- And yet again back to the same caterpillarness–

In my wildest dreams, I want to remove you from my mind, but you know you are Phoenix too — you burn yourself in my mind only to revive yet again with your own ashes…

And yet again back to the same same immovable caterpillarness..
And the question remains — Will I be able to transgress my own caterpillarness?

Love…

~S

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5 Responses

  1. well, someone seems to be bringing the “Adele” out of you!

  2. nothing is ever stagnant nothings around us so unresponsive. Sometimes the test of time are presumably long to keep us wanting for enduring opportunity

  3. Thank you Sumedh Ji 🙂 May be not Adele but me myself??

  4. Sorry for that, but i meant a phenomenon not an individual!

  5. Come on– No sorry please .. 🙂 I knew you meant a phenomenon 🙂

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