Living a lost life

So, lucky they are the winners of the colorful lottery. They feel that they have achieved something. But they have to leave behind so many thing, including their heart here. They live a lost life and here I do the same. I feel lost. lost in the crowd. But still I am able …to live this lost life. Hey, I can’t be so weak; I console myself. I am much stronger. A cell phone which hardly beeps the so called “International Number”. In the round world. The connections only the electromagnetic waves ( or something like that). Faces…not seen for such a long time.Faces…. I have seen for two decades and more. And now the faces went unseen. Cheater is the so called Fate or cheater is the so called l-o-t-t-e-r-y or the cheater is the number..”21″. So, called independent number as decided. How sad it feels like? Feels so sad…

Promises that are so false. Promises that are so what you call ….that gives so much of pain. Promises that are so fake.The l-o-t-t-e-r-y Promise. The promise of the l-o-t-t-e-r-y that everything will be fine, so good, life will be changed, green money that will change the fate. {The shit like promise, so fake, so bad, so poor, so ….sooo…soo}. The fake lottery that changed so many things. That changed the place. That changed the mind. Polluted the mind with the green thing. What is like the green thing?

You all are like the far away stars, when you click in my memory, eyes swell up in the morning but there is no presence of you all here. To see my swollen eyes, to see my scar in the leg, to put oil in my hair, to show me how bad my nail has grown and I need to cut them, to force me to change clothes because they are dirty, to ask to comb my uncombed hair, to ask me to clean my dirtiest room, to hear my nonsense chit-chat, to hear me, my worries, my stupid dreams, my changing aims, my foolish desires and passions. To laugh out loud at my silly-ness. To remind me to get snickers. To expect mithai after I went desperately to get my salary. To feel proud. To demand continuously for the money for swimming. To demand money to purchase a recharge card to call someone.. ;-). To continuously ask for studying and to feel proud over my achievements and to talk all together about my achievements. How happy you all would have been to see the medal thing?

The l-o-t-t-e-r-y thing.

Again, the ruthless  l-o-t-t-e-r-y thing snatched everything and made me to live such a lost life. I am habituated to live this lost life. Everything have changed. I live such a lost life. So lost that I myself cannot figure it out what I was like before few months and now. Things have changed such a drastically. And people who have promised so good have changed. Again like the l-o-t-t-e-r-y thing. So, did they break their promises. Of course. There is no any value of the promises. I have changed myself so much. I feel mature at times. But, I feel that I have always been far more big than my similar aged friends. And, now. Now, its so changed that I hibernate not once twice but always. I hibernate and live a lost life. A lost life.



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