Undisputed existence

Laila says to Tariq ” I am not going to cry! Not over you. Not in a thousand years” ( Book: A Thousand Splendid Suns, page no-: 107)

But I could never say this …..at least to you….I can never stop the rolling tears that….rolls instantly with a flash of your remembrance……You remember the tears were flowing like a flood….when I had heard that ………that you were leaving forever….in the land of heavens….moons and stars……

No matter what…….where ….you go and reach…..your existence is undisputed…..you have won over me….my true self….you knew such that no one else knew it any how and any ways….

You have undisputed existence over my heart, mind and soul. Even my ruins will have the same undisputed existence of yours. A respect that I had have in me…for you…..has never been shaken and never been changed…..never been disrupted…and never thrown away from my mind…..and my heart…and my true self….

I could have smashed all the memories…but I know I can never do that and I will never because they are the only way for me to live…..be alive and then feel the airs of the same satisfaction that once…I have been provided….

I have stop searching you…….outside….in the roads…that I have walked with you….the stops that I had left you…….in the rains….in the ruins of my dreams and imaginations…..in the desperateness….in the deleted smses….in your name…in the alphabets….in the syllables….and the people with your namesake……..I want to deny your existence in me…..I want to free myself from the clutches of the reality that…..that time ….spend with you…that green grass…and that green lined Tshirt….and the polished shoe…….the painted nails…..the fading rotting roses…I want to free myself..

I left you at the stop of life…..I bade you a farewell……farewell for your life….for your happiness……your happiness lied in it. There was no any right for me to make any decisions….other than the promise I was made to “cooperate” in anyways….in any condition …..Helpless I was……against a betrayer….against a lier…..against a lover……undisputed….

The meaning of the four syllable word overturned…..I was taught its exact meaning is to sacrifice, cooperation and to live a in own ways….. just for the sake of being happy…..

I hate to be happy now a days…..I hate those unheard talks…..that was just illusion…..

When I sit and think…..hugging my knees…..trying to avoid the thoughts that haunt me for nothing…to making your existence nothing……after holding a lot of self conversations…..discussing with self…and then wiping out the whatever it comes wetting the eyelashes….with the passionate thing running and heating the nerves….and making my face red as it was…that…… …….

Silently, I weep……silently the heart weeps…( I can never stop crying over you…not even in thousand and ten thousand years….)

Undisputed Existence…..of yours……I can never deny it…….I wish I could…..

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5 Responses

  1. Undisputed beauty…is ur writing!!

  2. Heart touching… luv the way u write…!

  3. It’s a frustrating… I don’t like such type of article… It’ll be fine if you write about positive things, about hope…

    It’s very very unfair…Bcoz it’s a frustrating piece of writing… And frustration leads us to no where.. So, cheer up girl… 😛

  4. Lovely expression of love-sentiments.

    But seems giving extra priority.
    Good destiny …..

  5. i’m in general jumping about the net most of the afternoon which means I have a tendency to peruse an awful lot, which unfortunately isn’t generally a good factor as almost all of the websites I view are constructed of pointless waste copied from other sites a trillion times, but I gotta say this blog is indeed enjoyable and even delivers a lot of authentic material, therefore thanks for stopping the trend of solely replicating other peoples’ blogs and forums, if you ever want to try a few hands of zynga poker together let me know – you have my email 🙂

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