Cool November Rain-II

I would have written something like waiting for a Cool November rain in a desperate mood….trying to fight with self…trying to defend self…trying to win over self…trying to make self strong…and say that “There is no rain..this November as well”…

Then making self stable…making self limited….Limited in tears that have fallen…. in the absence of the rain…in the absence of the feeling…in the desperateness…in the mist of despair…and confusion…in the tranquility of pain….. and in the vacant space in life…a gap…to be lasting for years and years…

Like the solo walking in rain….which I was tired of… Like the rain itself while it swept away my tears….in eyes….but the month was not November……Like the each steps I had “climbed” alone…and like the voice in my ears…which came through the electromagnetic waves….( You know what I mean ) …..Like the steps again….which I had walked alone. Like the…colors from which I paint my eyes…and hide away that eyes are swollen….that I had in fact cried the whole night… the time I used to spend…Leave it…!!!!!!

Then again ( even while writing ) I try to make myself stable….my heart beat stable….and I throw away my mobile phone….because I want to hear this song ( Whiskey Lullaby ) NO more….it hurts me…it hurts my sentiments….why these songs are damn…painful…that again bring the memories already swept away….by time…Then I wonder why these song are ever written….( It broke me into tears ).

I promise that I wont write anything further….to hurt myself….everyday…while I take up the pen….I fill up the pages and the same thing……same thing..repeatedly….repeating it on and on…and on….Just the thing….with love, shame, guilt, reminisce,hatred etc…on and on and on…..and I again promise that I wont write further…not a single word of appreciation…not a single word….

This whole post seems like….I wrote the same thing….Don’t I have shame for myself…..Don’t I have my self respect…Again I break the promise…Again I blindly I lie myself…I blindly lie you all …who are reading this….Again Don’t I have shame….or what….I am helpless…I feel helpless in the midst of this dark memory…of reality……those things that were not just imaginative….

This time it was not the same…..Some wishes do come true….I wonder about this…Rare Rain in November….where have you gone last year….I wished and wished.. the last year….and this year the wish was heard….was it on a long Que.. ??

I was feeling cold that day…and cold always makes me romantic….and I was wondering…what will happen this day…because weather forecast are never always true….”lol” and then I heard…its rain….and then heart cheered up like never before…and I went outside….in the rain….I love it so much…and then…mobile beeps…. “Ur wait for November rain is over…..” I feel tears in my eyes…..

I put out my tongue…to taste the rain…a chill I feel in my spine……A vacant spine….A vacant soul….

Finally….the wait was over….and I feel the happiness….in the midst of despair…and agony….like I have seen the full moon…on the darkest night….

Miraculous rain……..

P.S. Once its not enough……

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10 Responses

  1. nice post…hope, you’ll be not alone in next November Rain…Those feelings has to do nothing in this real world…they are just …just…just a stupid-nonsense feelings…

  2. It was really a wonderful ‘november rain’… I equally enjoyed it since I was too hungry for the chilled weather for many months…. 🙂
    but I couldn’t express myself as u r doing here… enjoyed reading it once again.. 🙂

  3. well written…………

  4. beeeeeeeutifully composed. I just enjoyed reading……

  5. November rain…didn’t get to witness and enjoy it- thanks for posting it…I hope to share an experience with u! 🙂

  6. I really like your blog and i respect your work. I’ll be a frequent visitor.

  7. beautiful writing..as always…but i kinda found it incomplete…i was expecting a more detailed elaboration on the romantic feelings u felt after the rain… 🙂

  8. glad to read one more creation…this is again as sweet as the part I of November rain…mostly, the writer has expressed the words of pain n sorrows which touch each readers heart…..Good to see enjoying the cool November rain but with the same pain inside heart…putting such painful words initially in the story, the strong determination of not reapeating such depressive words has been written at the half of the storyline…..The story ends up with the tears of happiness…..I respect ur feelings and the way u express it as usual….life is beautiful…live each day differently…pain n sorrows are the another side of a life without which u wont get the chance to feel wat the real happiness is….hope to see the turns of ur storylines towards the path of garden of love as well…..दु:ख भित्र समेटिएका तिम्रा खुशीपूर्ण शब्दहरु त पढ्न पाइयो, अब खुशीभित्र को खुशीलाई तिनै शब्दहरुले बर्नन गरेको हेर्न पाये म आभारी हुने थिए…

  9. @ Anil : I also hope I won’t be alone in next November Rain….
    and truly those feelings do not have the real existence.
    @ Kishor : I know…your desire for something chilly 😛 …
    Thanks to you
    @ Jeewan : Thank you !

    @ Ashesh Ji : Thank you and Welcome to Coffee House 🙂

    @ Anjali : I am feeling good that you enjoyed….I must say you
    are enjoying snow now ;)…..
    @ Floost : Thank You !

    @ Shilpi Di : Thank you di…..incomplete rakhnu ko mazza
    arkai 😀
    @ Pabitra : Thank you for such a wonderful comment….and
    I am feeling great…Thanks for supportive words

  10. Very nice article.
    please watch : http://www.kantipuronline.com/kantipur daily/pathak manch of today

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