Catus Plant and A Wacky Thought

As I was going to lavatory few minutes ago, I happened to look at the Catus’s long branches which was implanted in the house of Dr. Sharad Man Tuladhar ( Not sure about the cast), Neuropsycharist ( as I saw in the board). A wacky thought came into my mind. The thought was painful indeed because it was the pain I want to gain. But after all why do I want to gain the pain physical ?? I don’t know the answer right now. Let me exacavate it out!!

It is not the first time that I have seen the catus plant at his house but it is the first time I had feeling this weird feeling by seeing those beautiful, slender catus plants. I do not know Why people plant Catus and why they do that after all it is so throny. There are all thrones. Thrones are painful, aren’t they ??

The wild feeling was most strange. As I happened to look at the Catuses, the thought came in my mind that I should go and catch the throny Catus so that I can feel the pain. I want to feel the pain physical. I want to catch the throny catus so that my two hands will get bloody. I want to feel the pain when blood comes from the hand. I want to see me suffering while the hands go red with bloods. I want to feel the pain by letting the thrones enter my nerves. I wanted to feel how the pain feels , how the heart aches and how the tears comes easily through this physical pain.

And I don’t know what I am writing and why I am writing ? I don’t know why those feelings came to my mind when I saw those catuses. Why after all I got that feeling that made me feel pain even it were not real. No, I am not going to catch the catuses. Actually I don’t want to feel the pain. How could I be in pain and how could I let myself feeling the pain that I don’t want to get?.

Then I realise the heart woes. What about the pain mental ? More painful than the physical pain. Perhaps it will be more painful than catching the catuses. Actually , Had I wanted to catch the catuses so that  I could be away from the woes of my heart and the pain of my suffering. Do, I want to suffer physically so that I would get away from the pain mental ?

I think I am not capable of answering myself this question. I can’t answer , I can’t even how hard I try I can’t and I know this. What is the medicine of pain that is mental ? I could have got many medicines if I had catched those catuses. The pain is visible, the wounds are visible but what about the wounds mental…that are not visible.

P.S. I don’t want to write anymore about this..I don’t know why I want to suffer …and gain pain. I am really imagining to catch the catus…But I am sure coward Sweta..can never do that..not for her…but she can’t do it for others who will be feeling more pain than she…..

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