Disillusionment

It is natural to be in pain when one is disillusioned and it happened to me I must say today and I am numb. Feeling numb has been a habit to me and I am not being able to get out of these hues. I have created this and I need to suffer. Suffering has no any limitations and for me to suffer it has been a routine.

I am reading about Barrack Obama. I want to know him so I googled him and found out it in wikipedia. I am reading few lines and again back writing. I want to write about my disillusionment and perhaps I am disillusioned.

We are waiting for dad to come because it is our sleeping time. Perhaps people knowing me will be knowing about this better and they laugh I know they laugh out loud. And sometime I do that too laughing at my self and my family memebers. How come Bishesh my brother sleep at 7:30 PM.

But me I try to sleep at 8:00 PM. I wait the clock to strike 8 and so that I will be proud that I have slept at 8. ( hahahah). Just read fwe lines from Wikipedia and found out that Obama admitted that during high school he used cocaine, marijuana, and alcohol, which he described as his greatest moral failure. And I found it interesting because it is people who make mistake and If they know what they have done and promise themself that they will not repeat it again. Then I think I assume that is disillusionment.

People make mistake and they try to hide. But I am not the one to hide mistake and forget it but I am the one who learn from the mistake and never repeat it again.  I believe Obama does not use cocaine, marijuna and alcohol now, does he? No, Perhaps. And see what he is now….I am perhaps being fan of Obama. I have just heard his speech while changing channel and stumbled upon this man Obama speaking in CNN and it was awesome and peoples participation was amazing.

And I am writing and mom is here by my side I do not know why is she checking that I am mailing DW  or chatting. No mom no I am not doing I have promised myself I will not repeat the mistake again. Five minutes left to eight and my eyes are growing heavier I want a good night sleep. Damn I am feeling so sleepy ( Perhaps I am the laziest chick) and there is no one online in my instant messenger  too and on the other hand I am hearing the gazal of Jagjit Singh ( Singh is Kinng No! haha not this song but a soothing number Tum Itna Jo Muskuraraheho …making me more and more sleepy. )

My brother bishesh must be dreaming now and mom has gone to sleep and I am waiting for dad to come home. Oh! old man have been real busy. 

And I was telling about my disillusionment and it is the same my heart doesnot wants to believe it and see me I am completely drowned in this disillusionment. Now I am trying for yahoo messenger If somebody is online…

I am too tired and I am feeling so much sleepy. Its 8:10 PM now, I think I would have been too dreaming if I were not typing these words and hearing these extremely tragic hindhi numbers and this may be the reason that I am feeling extremely sleepy.

So, I was telling about my disillusionment that I can not say why and how but Yes I am disillusioned perhaps. I want to be strengthful and I want to show the world how capable this girl is. I am able to stand I am strong and I am able to tackle the world to fulfill my ambition and desire. I am a real ambition freak and I can do anything for it. Perhaps a mistake I shall remember ever but I am not going to be chick and regret it for life but I am learning from it a lot. Can you hear me I am saying DW I am capable to show you and the world how much capable I am. Perhaps I need sometime and I am going to reach top. Top than YOU.

P.S. I am disillusioned. ( Oh dear I am feeling so sleepy)

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