Feeling Numb……

Sometimes heart sinks and all days are not same ….I have been telling this to myself …and it is happening to me…listening this song …Teri ore…so sweet voice and the song is also so sweet …teri ore teri ore….hai rabba…Still I am feeling numb because I dont know why ??? Just a gulit I am feeling today its one week somebody has been indifferent to me such that…It breaks my heart and yes I was wrong to break my brother’s heart so …badly…

Yes !! Sad but true…Let it be another revolution…Sweta’s planning something today after all her “baby bride”  needs some wash today ….oh she’s been too dirty…haha Its been two months since I have washed my scooty dear…She’s been really muddy and really muddy ….God I am gonna wash her today.

SInce there’s no one in home now…I am busy writing this monologue…I guess it must be monologue…the state of my mind..thinking so many things at one time…and thank god I finished washing my tops..they were stinking…that I was about to faint…how come this lady of perfection become so much imperfect…hey m enjoying my solitude…

Solitude has been the thing I wanted…Its fun to be in solitude…ones master of ones feelings…and its my passion too but I cant when I think of being in solitude and once I be in solitude then ……then I enjoy the moment most…Like today …noone’s home today and I think I am in solitude…I want to read a book called One hundred Years of Solitude….The word Solitude is real fantasy for me and I really really enjoy being in solitude…my passion…..

I have been fascinated from the lives of some great Literaturer P.B. Shelly, Emily Dickinson and my favourite one JOHN MILTON….I have really been inspired by MIlton and his way of life how he had forgotten that he was a human being…Ya sometimes I want to do the same….I dont know why ?? but I sometime find living in the society so hard bounded by the rules…and a series of Network of relatives…Why ?? one cannot live life of their own choice….Yeah…I know the answer myself..Perhaps because we are to live in the society…and yes in this regard I do not want to be reluctant to our society…

 So, I was telling that how numb I am feeling …I have felt…in this one week…Its been real hard for me to handle..FREEDOM…Perhaps I am not the culprit….perhaps it is we all. We all who are realted to the topic Freedom…after all why it was needed to excavate freedom…To go beyond the things that was under my limitations…I feel pity for myself when I think of the fact but I cant figure it out that was it my mistake?? I dont know…Perhaps this indifference is going to kill me…

Yeah…it makes me feel good to hear these beautiful Indian numbers …..Khoya Khoya Chand…Feels like heart’s trembling…

So, Sweta is sad today….When I told this to my friend Pradeeo while chatting he was suprised !! I do not know the reason for his Suprise?? But can’t human being be sad sometime…Perhaps I am celebrating Sadness today….in the midst of happiness…this fakes…I really wonder how people can sleep upto 10 o’clock….God…

Dad’s Home now…M going to stop this here….

I am not feeling fear while writing

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